


sixteen sunrises

by 10softbot



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Stripper/Exotic Dancer, M/M, Strippers & Strip Clubs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-13
Updated: 2018-10-13
Packaged: 2019-07-29 20:44:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 29,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16272017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/10softbot/pseuds/10softbot
Summary: When Jaehyun, a broke college student just trying to graduate, applies for a stripping gig at a local club he doesn't expect Johnny, a young businessman with too much money in his hands, to turn his life upside down and mess with everything he has ever known of.





	sixteen sunrises

**Author's Note:**

> oh my god. i can't believe this is finally done? oh my fucking god finally. it's taken me too long to finish this but here we are. she's here, alive and breathing.
> 
> **[here](https://twitter.com/10softbot/status/1046530647349755904)** is a visual thread for characters in this fic in case you're curious. please enjoy!!
> 
> do not repost without permission.

“If you don’t stop sighing right at this second I have the moral obligation to punch you in the face,” Ten warns him off, buttering his toast over the breakfast table. Jaehyun sighs again and Ten puts his toast and knife down on his place with a loud clatter. “Alright big guy, are you gonna tell me what’s wrong or do I have to learn how to mindread?”

Jaehyun pouts and sinks further down in his chair, picking his slice of bread apart. When he doesn’t say anything, Ten reaches over the table and smacks him hard over the head, a loud whine falling off his lips. “That hurt!”

“Tell me what’s wrong! You’re so annoying,” Ten yells at him, threatening to smack him one more time.

“I’m just… just a bit worried, that’s all.” Ten rolls his eyes at him and Jaehyun does the same, a piece of toast hitting him in the forehead. “Listen, we’re going to graduate by the end of the semester and I have no way to pay our bills since I quit working at the café.”

Ten hums, sitting back in his chair, drawing his knees up to his chest. “Don’t you dare feel bad about quitting, you deserve better than having shitty, abusive co-workers.”

“No, yeah, I know. But still, I have no source of income now.”

Ten hums again, taking a bite of his toast as Jaehyun eats a piece of his now crumbled up slice.

“I know you’re not about that life but hear me out for a second.” Jaehyun glances up at him, and when he makes no sign of stopping him from talking, he continues. “You know I do my stripping gigs on Wednesdays, right? It’is not ideal, but it's enough to live comfortably. Of course you don’t have to go that way and I’m sure you can find another job soon enough, you’re a good boy. I’m just saying you could try that out, it’s good money.”

“I get what you mean, and I appreciate your concern but… I’m not sure about that.”

Truth is, Jaehyun has been thinking about it for a while now. Even before quitting his part-time job at the café just down the street, he had been thinking about how it would be had he heard Ten when the boy first auditioned the previous year.

Ten, his best friend and roommate, tried talking him into auditioning with him and Jaehyun knew it was well intended. Ten had been concerned about him, about his less than ideal work environment, had tried telling Jaehyun he deserved better than what he was getting. And Jaehyun, enraged, told him off saying he was not and would never be about such a low lifestyle. To this day he can still feel the sting of Ten’s hand coming down on his cheek.

Ten didn’t talk to him for a good month after that, clearly hurt Jaehyun would even think that way of him, and it took Jaehyun just as long to gather enough courage and apologize for his words after hearing Ten cry himself to sleep for two weeks straight.

“I can hook you up with Joohyun for a booking, she’s the sweetest boss one could ever ask for.” Jaehyun can sense Ten’s caution in his words, “If you go in with my indication I’m sure she won’t hesitate to take you under her wing.”

“What makes you say that?” Jaehyun mutters against his glass of fresh orange juice.

“Honey, who do you think brings the most cash to that club?” When Jaehyun looks up, there is a mischievous smile across Ten’s face, and he rolls his eyes at that. “I’m the club’s jewel, trust me. I know what I’m talking about.”

“And if I say yes? How does all that even work?” Jaehyun sighs again, and Ten is the one rolling his eyes at him this time.

“You worry too much, big boy. She’s gonna have you fill a form, will take a copy of your ID and then all you gotta do is audition. It’s just one song, I’m sure you will be just fine. You know how to use your body and you can finally put those pole dance classes we took sophomore year to use.”

Jaehyun laughs at that. It had become a distant memory at this point, but hearing those words makes his guts tingle with warmth. Ten had insisted Jaehyun joined him for the classes, saying that he needed to get his ass out of the house more often and that he definitely needed some distraction to his little miserable life.

Jaehyun had recently broken up with student council president Kim Doyoung, and although it doesn’t hurt anymore and they have managed to keep things civil for the sake of their mutual friends, he distinctively remembers feeling like absolute crap back then. Ten asking him to join pole dance classes with him was his way of saying _I love you, I worry about you, let’s get out of this together._

It worked, and Jaehyun still thanks Ten for putting so much effort into getting him out of the house to this day. Pole dancing gave him back the confidence post-breakup Jaehyun lacked at the time, as well as gave him great stamina and toned muscles no amount of cardio and weight lifting was ever able to give him. His flexibility was, according to Ten, something out of this world, and by the time he was actively going out again and hooking up with strangers he was anything but thankful for it.

“Alright,” he finally says, shoving the last pieces of bread into his mouth. “I’ll do it. Just tell me when I’m supposed to go, and I will.”

“Perfect!” Ten squeals, clearly delighted, buttering another piece of toast and shoving half of it in his mouth all at once. “She’s gonna love you, I’m sure of it. If _I_ am able to like you then anyone else can.”

Jaehyun gets up, makes his way around the table and smacks Ten in the head as he walks back to his room. Ten loses his balance and almost falls to the side, but Jaehyun doesn’t see it, Ten’s giggles echoing through their apartment even after he closes his door.

 

Agreeing to it and actually doing it, Jaehyun belatedly realizes, are two completely different things. There’s a feeling stirring in the pit of his stomach akin to anxiety, and he is fairly sure if the train shakes one more time he will definitely puke on the Valentino shoes of the lady standing right in front of him.

Ten had assured him he had no reason to be nervous, that Joohyun is the kindest woman he knows. Jaehyun believed him, he really did, but now he is just one stop away and he is starting to regret all his life choices. His best friend was kind enough to lend him a pair of lilac silk lingerie and thigh-highs, a new set he hadn’t had the chance to use before. It fit albeit a bit uncomfortable, for Ten is a size smaller than him. But Jaehyun is glad, mentally thanks Ten for it every stop the train makes before he has to get off.

The club doesn’t look like much from the outside, and despite the neon sign above the establishment, it would definitely go unnoticed didn’t Jaehyun know what the place was. It isn’t unusual for strip clubs to keep it in the downlow around there, club owners usually choosing to avoid problems by keeping things discreet.

Jaehyun takes the side door as Ten instructed him to, and Jaehyun is shocked at how the interior looks nothing alike the exterior. The place is spacious, a stage running across the center of the otherwise square room, poles going all the way up to the high ceilings, cushioned booths surrounding the entire length of the stage. There is a bar on the far back of the room, expensive bottles on show, and the place is entirely decorated in black and pink. The lights, dimmed down to a comfortable setting, shine pink off the surfaces.

He can hear heels clacking on the tiled floor and he turns around to the source of it. The first thing Jaehyun notices is that the woman is extremely pretty – beautiful, really, anyone with a set of eyes would know that. The second thing he notices is that she is really, _really_ short. Not even her obnoxiously high heels manage to make her be eye level to him.

Her styled hair reach just past her boobs, bangs framing her face making her look younger than he supposes she actually is. Her pink crop top, pink fur jacket and oddly styled jeans makes him think she surely isn’t an employee at the place. Their eyes meet, and the vague look of displeasure in her face makes Jaehyun want to turn back around and leave through the door he just came in from.

She gives him a once over. “Jaehyun?”

“Yes,” Jaehyun manages not to stutter, trying to ease his heart down. He can feel bile rise up his stomach.

“Ten told me you’d be coming,” she nods, eyes carefully studying him. “He should’ve told me you’re this pretty.”

He chokes up on his own spit, entirely taken aback. “What?”

“Follow me.”

It is not a question, and Jaehyun trips over his own feet to keep up with her as she makes her way to a door right past the bar. Jaehyun takes a peek at the expensive bottles, not able to think much of it before the small woman opens the door and waits for him to go inside.

The office isn’t big, but he figures it is big enough for whatever paperwork is dealt with in there. The place is nicely decorated, black being the most dominant color with a few key spots of pink. The door clicks shut behind him and he can feel his heart rapidly thrumming against his ribcage, threatening to do a backflip and tell him to fuck off. The sound of her heels against the carpeted floor is way lower than it was outside, and when she sits down on the chair behind the desk he takes a sit as well.

“I’m Joohyun,” she says, a smile replacing the tight line on her lips as she extends her hand. Jaehyun takes it in his own, her handshake firm despite how small her hand is. “Ten asked me to consider taking you in. He is the best boy we have in our crew right now, but I need you to know that just because you’re his best friend or whatever I’m not gonna go easy on you.”

Jaehyun nods, feeling his throat run dry, palms starting to sweat.

“I will have you fill out our form with some basic, general questions but I wanna hear it from you why you decided to try out and join our club. Stripping, and the hustle of selling your time and company, is a competitive sales job in a highly stigmatized atmosphere, so I want to know what made you decide pursuing this was the better option for you.”

Jaehyun's hands shake as he accepts the pen and paper being handed to him. He takes a deep breath, clicks the pen and starts filling out the form. “I need to be able to support myself as I work on my dissertation. I also want to gain better skills to add up to what I already have, and hopefully open a window to corporate influences if ever possible. But, right now, I need to make ends meet most and foremost.”

She hums, sitting back on her chair as Jaehyun finishes filling out the questions. They are basic inquiries about life, health and the reason why you would like to join. Jaehyun can feel Joohyun’s eyes on him, the feeling uncomfortable, making his fingers shake a bit.

“Can I have your ID?” She asks, her voice sweet but still firm as ever, and Jaehyun fumbles with his wallet in his pocket before handing it to her with shaky hands.

He watches her roll her chair across the small space behind her desk, reaching up the massive printer and sliding his ID in. It doesn’t even take a minute, and once she rolls back to her table and hands Jaehyun his document back, there’s a big smile on her lips.

“Well, I’m sure Ten must’ve told you but I’ll have you audition now.” She waits for him to reply, and all he manages to do is give her a couple quick nods. “Locker room is right across the hallway, so make yourself comfortable and I’ll meet you again outside.”

It takes him a little while and a lot of inner talking for him to calm himself down. Everything was going to be okay, he knows that at heart. Joohyun looks a bit scary albeit her very small stature but he trusts Ten when he says she is the sweetest. She’s got to be, or else Ten wouldn’t have stayed for so long. He sheds himself of his jeans and tee, lilac set paling against his skin, slips back into his white Converse and squares his shoulder before turning back to the door. He’s got this.

Walking back outside in nothing but underwear is a lot more nerve-wrecking than he could ever figure, and he starts to wonder how Ten makes it seem so easy an natural. But this isn’t time for him to be nervous, he can’t fuck this up. With the thought in mind that he really needs the money, Jaehyun steps up the stage, stopping right before Joohyun. She has a drink in hand, something that looks like a martini, and Jaehyun can see her eyes glisten when she takes another look at him.

“Did you have any song in mind, pretty boy?” she smiles against her glass, holding back a giggle when Jaehyun shakes his head no. “Alright, I’ll give you something then.”

She presses a button on the remote that’s in her free hand and music booms through the place, some unknown but somehow familiar R&B playing through the speakers. Jaehyun gives himself a few seconds to get in the mood, lets the music wash over him. When he starts, his mind draws blank, the feeling second-nature to him.

Jaehyun lets himself be guided by the song and his instincts, body moving gently as if being blown by a warm breeze. He moves with far too much ease, making use of the stage space he’s given. He locks eyes with Joohyun, holds her gaze as he moves around, only breaking eye contact when he hooks his ankle around the pole and finishes his show off with an angel spin.

When he looks back at Joohyun, her mouth is hanging agape, pupils shaking as she stares at him in awe. She sets her drink down, gets on her feet and excitedly claps at him as she makes her way to the stage and pulls him down into a hug.

“Perfect! Amazing! I had a feeling you’d do well but this is so much more than I expected, oh my god.” She motions for him to sit on the edge of the stage as she runs back into her booth. He does, ignoring the cold feeling against his skin as he sits down, legs hanging off the stage. “You are absolutely hired if you still want the spot.”

“I am?” he gasps, not caring about the blush creeping up his face. “No, I definitely want this. Thank you!”

“Alright, awesome. I’ll run over some things with you then, so pay close attention. All this is going be written down in a sheet when we sign your contract, but I still need you to pay attention. Understood?”

Jaehyun nods, and she follows.

“We don’t really have a dress code here, so you’re free so use whatever you want as long as you keep it in mind you’re supposed to follow the club’s aesthetic. The set you’re wearing right now is very lovely so, if you want to stick to that image, go from there up. Pampered looks do tend to attract most patrons, but you do you to handle yourself.”

“Patrons are expected to stay off their phones as well as you are expected to stay off yours. No pictures or videos are allowed, so if you see someone doing it don’t hesitate to call up a bouncer. We only ask for 20% of the tips the boys here get, everything else is yours by right. The people who come here are high tippers, so don’t worry too much.”

“No touching, licking or kissing is permitted, even during privates. The private rooms are upstairs, and we always have bouncers guarding by the doors. If anyone is to be disrespectful to you, just call them up and the person is going to be kicked right out. We preserve our boys’ integrity more than a large clientele. Don’t let anyone pressure you into talking about what is your personal business. String them in simple conversations with basic, impersonal questions and you should be good to go.”

“Your time and labor come with a price, because that's how transactions work. Clientele will try to haggle you for prices, touch you more than is allowed, or simply refuse to pay you. Remember, your time is an asset. You, as a worker, are able to refuse service, especially if someone is indicating that they don't respect the house rules or your personal boundaries. We have the Friday night spot free, so if that’s good for you then it’s good for me.”

Jaehyun takes a deep breath, letting all that sink in. It is a lot of information, but necessary ones that he is sure he can deal with. He bites the inside of his cheek.

“Friday night sounds perfect to me,” he gives her a smile, the first one since he’s walked in, and she acts as if being shot in the heart. Jaehyun laughs.

“Oh my god you have _dimples_! Patrons are going to love you!” she squeals, sounding completely delighted, and for the first time that day Jaehyun can feel his muscles relax. “Go put some clothes on, angel. I’ll meet you back in my office.”

For the first time in too long, Jaehyun feels that things are turning out okay for him. He doesn’t change out of the lingerie set, just pulls his tee and jeans over them before walking back into Joohyun’s office. She’s got a 45 pages contract printed out, one she lets Jaehyun read over carefully.

When he is done signing all the pages needed of the contract, she extends a hand at him again, and Jaehyun notices how her overall atmosphere has changed since he first walked in.

“A bouncer will always walk you back to your car or over to the station once your shift is over. Your safety is top priority here.” Jaehyun takes her hand, squeezing it firmly. “Off work hours I’m Joohyun, but if we’re ever to meet out there during work hours that’s Irene for you. See you on Friday, Jae.”

His walk back to the station is one filled with relief. He shoots Ten a text, tells him he is going to be home in half an hour but doesn’t give further details. Ten floods his phone with messages after that, and Jaehyun only sets it on silent mode before allowing himself to take a nap on the ride back.

The moment he unlocks the apartment door Ten jumps out of the couch, running straight into him, throwing his arms around his neck.

“How did it go? Why didn’t you answer my texts? Is everything okay?” his questions are like fire and Jaehyun tries not to laugh at him. “I called boss when you stopped answering but she was too cryptic and didn’t really say anything.”

“Can you calm down?” Jaehyun laughs, detaching Ten from his neck. “Everything’s fine, I got the job.”

“ _Oh?_ Oh! I told her she would love you, I knew it!” Ten gives him a kiss to the cheek and Jaehyun pushes him away, wiping at the skin. “We have to go set shopping for you, oh my god I’m so excited! Welcome to the crew!”

 

☆.｡.☾ .｡.☆

 

It takes him a while to get used to things, but by the time September rolls in he figures he’s got the handle of it. Regulars usually don’t get to the club before eight and Jaehyun is starting to get familiar with some of them. None of them are his regulars, though – most go for Sicheng or Taeyong, since they’ve been working there longer – but he doesn’t complain. Tips at the stage are still good and enough so far. He knows he’s good, and patrons can’t keep their eyes off him.

The sets he bought are nothing short of pretty – pastel colored lingerie with matching thigh-highs and garter belts. Jaehyun feels good in them and Joohyun was certainly right when she said patrons like the pampered look. Whether he is on stage or down a booth putting on a little show, someone’s always got their eyes on him, unable to look away. They might not be regulars for him but he can definitely keep them glued to their sits until it is time for them to leave.

It is mid-September and the club is rather busy, the hour rolling past nine and Jaehyun can already feel his body tire from exert. He takes a bathroom break to clear his mind, fix his look up and maybe stop by the bar. Tonight he has gone for a silk and lace pink underwear, one that hugs his ass rather prettily, pairing it up with black fishnets and his usual white Converse. There is pink glitter covering his chest and going up his neck. His makeup isn’t much, enough to hide his college student dark circles and open his eyes as much as possible.

When he walks back out and to the bar, Joohyun is sitting on a stool, sipping on what he thinks is a margarita. He gives her a smile, and she immediately lights up.

“Oh, Jae! You look stunning tonight!” she greets him with a gentle pat on the butt, something he has grown used to. “Hansol, give the boy a shot of tequila. It’s on me.”

“Coming right up, boss.” Hansol, the bartender, fills a shot with _Clase Azul_ , one of the best tequilas they own and one he has come to recognize by its pretty ceramic bottle. He downs the shot with a nod at the boy, enjoying the warm feeling that spreads through his body.

“I just saw two good-looking young men walk in and take a booth by the stage,” Joohyun says over the music, “and there so happens to have a free pole by them. Get on that stage and work your fairy magic on them.”

Jaehyun laughs at that but nods, pushing himself off the bar and making his way to the stage. He sways his way between Taeyong and Sicheng, who are giving a joined double show to a group of patrons crowding up in a booth. He wonders how Joohyun managed to see them from the back of the room – he’s starting to think she has hawk eyes – but she was, in fact, right.

They are deeply engaged in conversation as he approaches the pole, not really paying much attention. The song changes just as he stops in front of the booth and Jaehyun quickly gives the DJ a thumbs up – the guy sends it back at him, encouraging smile on his lips. The man with purple hair and a blinding smile looks up at him then, and Jaehyun feels a boost of confidence wash over him. The guy whispers something to his friend, gives him two pats on the shoulder, gets up and walks over to the bar.

The other guy, the one still sitting at the booth, knocks the air out of his lungs as Jaehyun starts to move in rhythm with the music. He’s got chocolate hair and high cheekbones, lips that curl up like a cat’s mouth and a strongly defined cupid’s bow. Jaehyun feels warmth spread in his guts as he graciously moves his hips and the guy locks eyes with him for a moment.

The guy’s friend comes back with two glasses of whiskey and ice, settling beside him in the booth and having as much interest in his gaze as his friend. Jaehyun breaks eye contact then, keeps on dancing to the song, and before he can make his way to the pole, Taeyong joins him. Jaehyun quickly glances over to the booth he was previously attending to and notices all the guys have already left, except for one trapped between Sicheng's legs as the boy gives him a lap dance.

“Would you like some assistance?” Taeyong mutters to him, gluing himself to Jaehyun's back and swaying their bodies together.

“Dude on the left seems to be into you,” he mutters back, allowing himself to just feel the music and Taeyong’s hands on his hips. “It’s whatever if you go for him.”

“Deal.”

Taeyong leaves the stage to dance in front of the guy, and Jaehyun takes the cue to move back to the pole. He dancers for a little longer, chocolate haired guy’s eyes still trained on him. Jaehyun takes a deep breath and prepares himself for a clydown.

With one hand on the pole, he does a semi-circle around it before using all his core strength to throw his legs up and in a v shape, allowing his body to swing around the metal bar. He hooks his free hand under his knee as he brings his legs together and up to his chest, same hand reaching back to the pole for support as he spins around.

His base hand never leaves the pole, his legs naturally falling down – yet still closed together – towards the floor as he slides down, free hand reaching up to prop his body up. It is a lot of work, but he turns his body upside down, legs open in a v shape again right before he hooks his right knee around the pole. He moves his hand down and finishes the movement off by holding his stretched leg out. He holds there for a few seconds before coming down, and when he does, he can see Taeyong over the guy’s lap much like Sicheng was not long ago.

The guy he was putting the show for has his lower lip caught between his teeth, a stack of bills in his hand. Jaehyun smiles as he descends from the stage, walking over him as sensually as he manages to, hips swaying in an all too tempting manner. The guy beckons him and Jaehyun follows, small smile on his lips. He stops right between his legs, lowering himself down to a crouch and smiling up at him.

“How can I help you, sir?” Jaehyun asks him, voice laced with honey just how he knows patrons like. It doesn’t seem to go unnoticed by the guy.

“You were amazing out there,” the guy says, the right corner of his mouth curling up into a smirk. “You’re so pretty. What do I have to do to get a private dance from you?”

Jaehyun's smile grows bigger. It is definitely his first time here, and Jaehyun internally lets fireworks go off with the amount of cash he’s about to get.

“Buy me a drink and follow me,” he answers instead, and the guy full on smiles at him. It is a little overwhelming and a lot breathtaking.

“After you,” he gestures to the bar, downing what he still had left of his whiskey as Jaehyun gets back on his feet.

They make their way through the club and to the bar, Joohyun’s smile splitting her face in half as they walk over. She doesn’t say anything, only gives him a nod and turns back around to sip on her drink.

“Jisol, an apple martini for me and another whiskey for the guy here,” Jaehyun asks him and he can see Hansol trying to hide his smile.

Hansol quickly hands them their drinks. Jaehyun gets both of them and starts making his way to the staircase and up to the VIP rooms, the tall guy following close behind him. Jaehyun goes for the last room in the hallway, greeting the bouncer at the door with a bright smile. The bouncer nods at him, twists the doorknob and holds the door open for them.

The room is small and equally as black and pink, just not as dimly lit as the exterior. There is a bed on the opposite wall to the door, a loveseat and a coffee table right next to the entrance. Jaehyun sets their drinks down and opts for the loveseat instead of the bed.

He turns to the tall guy, hooking his fingers through his belt and backing him up to the cushioned seat, pushing him down with a smile.

“As I see it’s your first time here, I shall go over some basic etiquette for you.” His voice is still sweet and the guy nods, getting himself comfortable as Jaehyun stands in front of him. Jaehyun feels his heart skip a beat with the way the guy is looking up at him. “Hands to yourself and the bouncer stays out of it. I’ll do extra if you pay extra.”

The guy nods at him again, runs his tongue over his lower lip and Jaehyun smiles. Doesn’t seem like he is going to have much trouble with this one. He turns his back to the guy, focusing on the music playing through the ceiling speakers, trying to get himself in the mood for another dance.

“So, big guy,” Jaehyun starts again, moving his hips from side to side in the most alluring way he knows how to. “Do you have a name or do I keep calling you big guy?”

“Johnny,” the guy, Johnny, says, and without the club’s booming music Jaehyun can feel his voice seeping through his pores and into his veins. “Although I wouldn’t mind if you called me that the entire night.”

“Johnny,” Jaehyun tries out before turning around to face him. He likes the weight of it in his tongue. “A pleasure to meet you.”

“Can I get yours?” Johnny’s eyes are deep like an abyss, and Jaehyun's mind goes blank for a moment and all he can hear is the background music.

“Jae,” he breathes out, unconsciously mirroring the smile that blooms on Johnny’s lips.

He moves around the room as the song changes, setting himself just across the coffee table. Johnny looks at him questioningly, and Jaehyun momentarily closes his eyes to focus on the song. When he opens them again, Johnny is looking at him with intent.

Jaehyun locks eyes with him from where he stands, slowly starts moving along with the music and into his dance. He lets himself get lost in the music, let it flow through his body, fingers playing with the hem of his fishnets that goes high up his waist. He can see Johnny bite the inside of his lower lip.

He moves across the room again, slowly and tempting, sparing just a moment in front of Johnny before moving to the side of the loveseat where he is propped up against. Jaehyun runs his fingers through Johnny’s hair, lightly, notices how silky and smooth it feels – exactly how it looks like. Jaehyun lets his hand fall to his shoulder, slightly down his bicep before bringing it back up to his hair again, fingers slightly grazing the nape of his neck. He circles back around, stopping right in front of him. Johnny sighs and Jaehyun smiles, dancing just inches away from him.

Jaehyun takes another deep breath, counts to three, and turns to face away from the guy once again. With a shot of will and confidence, Jaehyun slowly lets his hip sink closer and closer to his lap. He sways his hips left and right, impossibly slow but still in time with the music, dipping his hips every now and then between his sways. Johnny groans, and Jaehyun can’t help but smile.

He lowers his hips until they are just barely above Johnny’s pants, moving them in circles and then back to the swaying. He keeps it up for a while, feeling Johnny’s erection grow in his pants, satisfaction building up his chest. Jaehyun picks up the speed on his hips, teasing Johnny as much as he can without making him come in his pants. He glances back at him over his shoulder, and the look in Johnny’s eyes is the wildest he has seen aimed at him in too long.

Jaehyun turns around then, straddling Johnny between his legs, and Johnny’s face is so close to his chest he can feel his hot breathing against his glittery skin. He keeps working his hips, doesn’t look down at Johnny for his own sake, grinds down on him until he can feel Johnny’s thighs begin to quiver under his own. Johnny’s erection rubs against him, and even through the layers of clothing Jaehyun can feel it pulse. He threads his fingers through Johnny’s hair again, gently yanking his head back this time, and with a smile he is sure fully shows his dimples, Jaehyun settles right into his lap.

He can feel a shudder run through Johnny’s entire body, and by how tight the other shuts his eyes Jaehyun knows he is just short from coming. Jaehyun smirks, grinds down on him tauntingly, stilling when Johnny’s hands ball into fists on his sides.

“So, Johnny,” Jaehyun lets all his weight fall on Johnny’s thighs. “What did you do today?”

Johnny stutters for a minute, trying to scan his brain for coherent words. “I– just work, really.” He opens his eyes again, seemingly more recollected than he was just moments ago. “Lots of conferences and boring meetings.”

“A businessman?” Jaehyun plays with Johnny’s hair, amusement in his voice. “So young and so busy. Figures you’d have to find a way to release all that tension.”

Johnny laughs, and the sound is so warm it snakes right into Jaehyun's stomach. “Yuta, my friend – the guy who was with me – he’s been bothering me for a whole week saying we needed to unwind.”

“And so…”

“And so he dragged me here. I didn’t know what to expect but, _god_ ,” he pauses, takes a deep breath, looking straight into Jaehyun's eyes. “You’re gorgeous. Amazing.”

Jaehyun can feel his skin under the glitter heat up. Just then, there is a knock on the door, the bouncer telling them the time is up. Jaehyun gives Johnny a smile, who smiles back at him in return before Jaehyun lifts himself off his lap. There is a visible tent in Johnny’s pants, one he pays no mind as he gets up and fixes his suit.

Jaehyun sits back down on the loveseat, completely ignoring the semi in his panties, reaching over the coffee table for his long forgotten drink. He gestures with his foot at the glass jar over the table for Johnny, who dumps a pack of bills into it.

Jaehyun smiles again. “See you around, big guy.”

Johnny smiles at him before opening the door and walking back out. Jaehyun sighs, throwing his legs over the couch. There is another knock at the door, and Jaehyun hums at it.

“Is everything okay?” the bouncer asks from outside, and Jaehyun nods at him even if he can’t see it.

“Yeah, I’ll be right out, just give me five.”

Five actually means ten, and he takes his time finishing his drink and the glass of whiskey Johnny left behind. He reaches for the jar right after, feeling the paper bills slide against his fingers. It is a lot – it seems like a lot, and when he starts counting the money, he can physically feel his eyes widen rather comically.

Johnny left him, although in several bills of twenties, five hundred bucks worth of tips, and Jaehyun feels his mouth run dry. It is too much, the highest tipping he’s gotten since starting, and for a moment he wishes he had given the guy a proper goodbye.

He leaves the room and immediately makes his way to the lockers, stuffing the cash in his bag, leaving a twenty out. He giggles before closing the lock, sighing in relief that he has enough to pay for rent. Walking back out, Joohyun greets him again at the bar.

“Seems like your magic worked,” she gives him a thumbs up, big smile on her lips.

“Huh?” Jaehyun asks, glancing over at Hansol.

“Guy left some drinks for you,” Hansol answers, pulling out three glasses of mojito for him. Jaehyun eyes the glasses, eyes Hansol, then Joohyun and back to the glasses.

“I don’t get it,” he frowns then, as if the glasses have personally offended him.

“Whatever the case is, it’s free booze, so enjoy.” Joohyun dismisses him with a smile. “We’re closing up soon, just waiting for Sicheng to wrap up a private with one of his regulars.”

“Is it already that late?” he looks up at her, confused.

“Well, yeah. Will you ever get used to how fast time flies in here?” there is a teasing undertone in her voice and Jaehyun blushes.

“Not, really, I don’t think.” He reaches for one of the glasses, drinking half of it in one go.

“You can go get changed if you want, the bouncers aren’t letting anyone in. I’ll meet you all back in my office.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Washing off the glitter and changing back into his regular clothes always feels relieving, his nipples finally able to be warmed up. He sets out the money he needs to, waiting around for Taeyong and Sicheng to finish getting changed as well.

“How did it go with the purple hair guy?” Jaehyun asks over the running water of Taeyong’s shower.

Taeyong sticks his head out. “He’s Japanese, gave me two hundred for letting him pet my hair.”

“Oh wow,” Sicheng lets out, slipping his legs into his too skinny jeans. “Newcomers are always a surprising ride, huh?”

“You tell me,” Jaehyun mutters. “Tall guy gave me too much for just a lap dance and calling me pretty. I’m not complaining, though.”

“We should get going,” Sicheng throws a hoodie over his head. “Boss is waiting for us.”

Joohyun’s lights are dimmed out when they walk in, unusual for how bright she usually has the lights on. The first thing Jaehyun notices is how sleepy she looks.

“Alright, my boys,” she says airily, the second thing he notices. “I’m really tired right now so I can’t even imagine how you feel. If we’ve had any problems tonight that went largely unnoticed by security and myself, let it be known right now.”

The room stays quiet.

“Perfect. Lovely. Go get your beauty sleep my dears, I’ll see you all next Friday.”

They hand her the house’s share from their tips and bid her goodnight, the small woman walking around her table to give each one an affectionate pat to the butt on their way out. There are two bouncers by the door when they leave, one that walks Taeyong and Sicheng, the roommates, back to Taeyong’s car and another one to walk Jaehyun to the subway exit. The ride back home always seems to be longer than the one to work.

 

The apartment is quiet when he unlocks the door, save for the faint snoring coming from the general direction of the couch. When Jaehyun looks up, he can see the light shining off the tv reflecting on the couch and a sleeping Ten, sound set to mute god knows how many hours ago.

He pads over to the couch, shaking Ten awake by the shoulder. “Why aren’t you in your bed? It’s late.”

Ten groans as he falls out of sleep. “What time is it?”

“Almost three. Shouldn’t you be in your bed?”

“Sleep with me,” Ten mutters, trying to rub sleep off his eyes.

“Did you have another nightmare?” Ten nods, and Jaehyun can feel his heart tighten in his ribcage.

Jaehyun hates days like this the most. Not because he hates Ten nearly begging for his company, he hates the reason why Ten gets those nightmares in the first place. It is something he allows only Jaehyun and his therapist to see, something he tries to repress and push it so far down his memory it crushes him every time it happens.

To everyone else, Ten is just the happy-go-lucky kid from the literature department, the guy who goes out of his way to brighten people’s day, to make sure they are happy. He is the guy who gives his all in everything he does, which leads to more than excellent results. Ten makes his best to paint himself as picture perfect to the world, if only to protect himself from ill-intended people. To Jaehyun, he is all that and much more.

He is the guy coming from a broken family, trying to start fresh in a completely different country and culture. He is the guy who used to give his all and then some, and it eventually led to bad things coming his way simply because he feels too much, loves too much. Watching Ten have an abusive partner and not be able to do much other than assure him he was there for whatever he ever needed shattered Jaehyun's soul to pieces, and when Ten finally had the courage to break things off and move in with Jaehyun the damage was already done.

It has now been four years since the nightmares started, and it still tugs at Jaehyun's heart every time he gets them. He wishes that, one day, Ten won’t have to have them anymore. That one day Ten will be free of his demons, and that he will be able to feel genuine happiness with someone else. Because he deserves to be the happy-go-lucky kid he always tries to be, and Jaehyun truly only wants the best for him.

“Alright then, minion. Let’s get to bed.”

 

☆.｡.☾ .｡.☆

 

The following week passes in a blur of espresso shots and endless flipped pages, Jaehyun trying to catch up on as much college work as he can to make it up for the time he always gets off to work on his dissertation. It is hell, and maybe he is running on six hours of sleep since the weekend, but he is sure he will manage to live.

It is Thursday afternoon, jus a little past three, and Jaehyun takes up the corner spot in the café like he is used to. Thursdays mean taking Ten to therapy and then treating him to his favorite cake, something he has made a habit out of and hasn’t broken once since they started doing it all those years ago. He’s got his books out, taking notes in a very beaten up notebook when the door dings open, and a quick glance has Jaehyun know Ten’s time has been up for a while now.

The boy walks over to the table, big smile on his lips despite the red rimmed eyes and tissue constantly going up to his nose to clean up the running snot. Jaehyun signals to the waitress, and the girl brings over the preordered slice of red velvet cake.

“You good?” Jaehyun asks for good measurement, already knowing by heart the answer he is about to be given.

“Yeah,” Ten smiles at him, “just some things that are hard to think about, but I guess that’s part of getting better.”

Jaehyun nods at him with a smile. “Did you have something in mind for the day? I can take a break from all the work if you need to.”

“Actually, yeah.” He digs the fork in the cake, shoving a rather big piece into his mouth. He doesn’t finish chewing before speaking again. “How does a movie marathon and cuddling sound to you?”

“Sounds corny, you’re so clingy.” Ten angrily shoves a piece of cake into Jaehyun's mouth and he chokes.

Ten whines like a child. “You’re the one who asked! It’s my day today, come on!”

“I’ve spoiled you too much, you’re ruined for life.”

Ten stuffs his face with the cake in under seven minutes, tugging on Jaehyun's arm for them to leave as soon as he is done. Jaehyun swats him away so he can shove his books and papers into his bag, Ten’s constant whine in the background nothing but white noise.

On their way back home, Ten manages to convince Jaehyun to buy him a cup of bubble tea, an ice cream cone and a set of macarons. Jaehyun doesn’t complain, and even though he would flip him the bird any other day and promptly tell him to fuck off, he would never have the heart to tell him no on therapy day. Ten knew that and took full advantage of it.

As it turns out, movie marathon just means Ten running the worst possible movies, the most heart-wrenching he could possibly come up with and proceeding to bawl his eyes out into Jaehyun's clean shirt. Jaehyun really tries not to be mad at him, running his fingers through his hair in an attempt to calm him down. Movies crying usually led to life crying, and Ten is hardly the easiest person to console.

So Jaehyun just lets him cry his heart out, lets him cry until he tires and all he can do is try to sniff the snot back into his nose as exhaustion lulls him into sleep. The boy wakes up at half past ten, an awful combination of hungry, sleepy and tired.

“I made you some bread and peanut butter,” Jaehyun tells him once he is fully awake, head resting on his lap. “Go eat some and go back to sleep.”

“You sleep too,” Ten mumbles, struggling to sit up. “’s late, you have work tomorrow.”

Jaehyun hums. He waits until Ten has made his way into the kitchen before getting on his feet and making his way into his room. “Door’s unlocked if you need me.”

“Mm, night.” Ten calls over a slice of bread.

Sleep doesn’t come easy for him. It never does, but Thursdays are always the worst. It is the day everything seems to pile up and leave him a bundle of stress, hair thinning every second he worries over something different. It is mostly pre-work stress, and all he can do is hope the club won’t be getting another shitty new client.

 

Much unlike the previous week, the club is bustling with patrons tonight. Jaehyun sits at the bar a little after eleven when he comes back from the locker room, ordering two shots of tequila from Hansol. Sometimes it is a challenge to deal with boozed patrons, and the impeding headache creeping up behind his temple makes the job even harder.

Maybe this wasn’t the best day to dress up in a new set. Jaehyun hates using new sets on busy days, mostly because alcohol will surely get spilled all over him one way or the other. When it isn’t Taeyong with a bottle of champagne putting on a show, it is a far too gone patron letting his glass spill over during a lap dance.

None of those have happened so far and he is glad, would hate to have his brand new white pentagram harness with matching hot pants and stockings to be sticky with fruity liquid. Today Joohyun is nowhere to be seen, Hansol being unable to give him an answer as to where she is, saying he hasn’t seen her since the afternoon. He downs another shot, his brain threatening to burst through his skull.

“Evening,” there is a vaguely familiar voice right at his ear and he turns around in a startle, heart pounding against his chest. Johnny is smirking down at him, and Jaehyun almost sighs in relief. “Can I have a whiskey?”

“Right up,” Hansol tells him, pouring some ice cubes into a glass and then the hot beverage. Johnny takes the glass with a smile.

“May I have your time?” Jaehyun raises an eyebrow at him. “Upstairs?”

Jaehyun cocks his head to the side, as if in deep thought. Johnny’s smile falters, and Jaehyun opens one of his own at him. He nods and gets off his stool, motioning for Johnny to go before him. he takes the lead and Jaehyun follows close behind, trying to will his headache away.

He gives the bouncer a gentle tap on the shoulder before going into the room, clicking the door shut behind him. Johnny is standing in the middle of the room, glass up to his lips as he watches Jaehyun move around. This time, Jaehyun beckons him to the bed.

He pushes Johnny until he is propped up against the headboard, immediately settling himself in his lap. Johnny’s smile is big, and even though his head is yelling at him, Jaehyun manages to smile back at him.

“Does the big guy have something in mind for today?” is the first thing Jaehyun says at him, trying to make his eyes hazy.

“Actually,” his tone of voice changes, and something inside Jaehyun stirs. “I just wanna hear you talk.”

“Oh?” Jaehyun quirks up, a little taken aback. “That is… all?”

“Don’t sound so disappointed,” Johnny laughs lightly. “You can still do whatever you wanna do. Truth is, I couldn’t get my mind off you.”

Jaehyun grinds down on him lazily, off-beat but Johnny doesn’t seem to mind. He watches as the boy lets his shoulders relax against the headboard, eyes intently watching him. He takes a sip of his drink.

“Is everything okay?” he asks then, and Jaehyun snaps out of it.

“Mm, just a small headache.” He scoots a bit closer, dick rubbing right against Johnny’s crotch. The boy sighs. “But tell me, Mr. Businessman, how did work go today?”

“You’re interested in that?” Johnny raises an eyebrow at him, and Jaehyun hums in response, nodding with a small smile on his lips. “I don’t think there is much about corporate life that would entertain you.”

Jaehyun laughs. “Try me.”

“Well, not much happened.” Johnny places one hand on Jaehyun's thigh, clearly by instinct as Jaehyun rolls his hips against him, and Jaehyun doesn’t have the energy to tell him off. “We’ve had a couple conferences with some of the most important investors and Yuta – my friend from the other time, – he spoke in Japanese without noticing for a good half an hour and no one understood a damn thing.”

“Oh my god,” Jaehyun laughs again, hands falling to Johnny’s shoulders for support. “The power of being multilingual. Brilliant.”

“Then, like an hour later–” he chokes up when Jaehyun grinds down on him particularly hard. He seems at a loss of words for a minute. “H-he almost set fire on the entire accounting floor by doing a trick to one of the interns.”

“Mm,” Jaehyun hums, trying to suppress a laugh. “You must be so stressed out.” His hands fall from Johnny’s shoulders, trailing down his chest and stopping right above his belt. Johnny’s eyes follow his every move. “Would you like me to help you unwind?”

Johnny bites his lower lip, shutting his eyes so tight Jaehyun almost find it cute. “You – you don’t really have to.”

He breaks into a smile, and Jaehyun nods. Jaehyun lets his right hand fall from the belt to Johnny’s crotch, and Johnny’s rather sharp inhale makes Jaehyun's toes tingle. He lazily rubs him through his slacks, taking in every little breath Johnny lets out.

Johnny, on the other hand, seems persistent on keep on talking.

“Can I ask you a question?” his voice falters when Jaehyun presses the heel of his hand on his dick. He cocks his head to the side, looking at Johnny with intent.

“As long as it’s not something anticlimactic.” He rubs over Johnny’s growing erection, and the other heaves a shaky sigh.

“What’s your name?”

Jaehyun frowns at him, halting his movements for a second. “Jae.”

“That’s – that’s not what I mean.”

Jaehyun's frown grows deeper, the hand still on Johnny’s belt slowly playing with it. And then, it clicks. “Oh,” he says, realization downing on him. He’s not supposed to say it, it’s against club rules, but his name is rather generic and he figures it would take a whole lot for Johnny to actually do something with it. With just a hint of hesitation, he lets his fingers slip into the waistband of Johnny’s slacks. “Jaehyun.”

“Jaehyun,” Johnny tries out, smiling up at him. “You’re beautiful.”

And Jaehyun blushes, he knows he does, can feel his cheeks warming up at the compliment. He smiles back at Johnny, making sure his dimples show, before working on his belt and eventually the button on his slacks. Johnny gasps when he purposefully presses the zipper down on him as he undoes it. He tugs at the waistband until Johnny lifts his hips with far too much effort, stretching out to place his drink on the bedside table.

Jaehyun watches his face close and carefully, looking for any sign of discomfort that will make him stop. He has a feeling Johnny would never stop him, no matter what it is that he does, so he keeps going.

He doesn’t really know what he expected, but Johnny’s cock, for a lack of better word, is beautiful. It is perfectly proportional and so well shaped, sitting so heavy and perfect in his hand it leaves him a little breathless. The smooth skin on his pelvis makes Jaehyun wonder if he goes through the pain of waxing or laser. He pumps him a few times, eyes flicking up to his face when Johnny gasps again, and a smirk replaces his smile when he sees Johnny has closed his eyes.

Jaehyun slides his hand down the shaft until his fingers reach the base, holding it steady with just enough pressure to stop Johnny from coming if he comes to it too soon. He is leaking, drops of precum sliding down the length, and Jaehyun covers the head with the palm of his free hand. He rubs the head lazily, slowly and pressuring, spreading the clear fluid over. Johnny almost keens, thighs quivering under Jaehyun's ass.

He lets go of the head, sucks and licks his thumb, enough to have it dripping with saliva. He grips the head of Johnny’s dick again, pressing the thumb against it instead. He knows it feels good, has done it to himself one too many times to _know_ it is good. He slides his thumb down the slit and to the underside, enough pressure to push on his every nerve. Johnny nearly whines at him as he goes back up, running his palm over the sensitive skin.

Jaehyun keeps it up, occasionally licking his thumb to get it wet again, going over the same motions until Johnny’s dick starts twitching is his hand. The head is red, swollen and glistening with spit, and the way Johnny keeps trying to thrust into his hand lets him know he is doing a good job.

“Just enjoy the ride,” Jaehyun whispers, looking right into his eyes the moment Johnny dares opening them to look at him, pupils so blown he can hardly see his irises.

He keeps up his pace, slow and steady and driving Johnny absolutely insane. Johnny’s moans are low and maybe a little shy, but it is encouraging him enough to keep going. He, too, has the urge to spit down on his cock, to twist his wrist around him so fast it will give him blisters. But he doesn’t, likes to drag it out as much as he can, and that is exactly what he does.

When he thumbs at the slit of his cock right after covering his finger with a new layer of saliva, Jaehyun feels Johnny’s muscles completely relax under him.

“That’s right, let me help you.” His voice is barely above a whisper, would have been inaudible if Johnny wasn’t so close to him.

Johnny’s breathing is ragged, moans getting more frequent the longer Jaehyun drags it all out. He still has a hand on Jaehyun's thigh and his nails dig painfully into his skin, but Jaehyun can’t really bring himself to care. Right now, all he cares about is the way Johnny’s body is shaking under his touch, his breath fanning on his face, eyes shut so tightly it must hurt. His mouth hangs open, and Jaehyun is sure he might start drooling soon.

He doesn’t, though, and when Johnny’s orgasm hits him it’s hard, it’s violent in the way his back arches off the headboard and he almost collides into Jaehyun. The sound he makes when he comes is akin to a choked moan, broken noises hitting Jaehyun like a truck. He tries to catch it in his hand but it’s too much, Johnny’s body shuddering for a while as he keeps coming. His cum is thick, and Jaehyun struggles to keep it off both their clothes.

When Johnny comes down to it, he is completely winded, face flushed and looking completely fucked out.

“Fuck,” Johnny wheezes out once he regains his senses, Jaehyun climbing off his lap to clean his hands with tissues. When Jaehyun climbs back into his lap, Johnny looks completely blown away. “That was… impressive.”

Jaehyun mentally pats himself on the back. He pulls Johnny’s boxers and slacks back up, carefully tucking his dick back in and Johnny hisses at the contact, still extremely sensitive. “Thanks, I’ve heard that a lot.”

“From other patrons?” Johnny’s voice is raspy, and Jaehyun notes how incredibly sexy he sounds like this. He holds himself back from scoffing.

“From myself,” he says simply, tight-lipped smile covering up his need to laugh.

“I like your set today,” Johnny’s hand stops mid-air, right before his fingers touch the harness caging his chest. “Makes you look pretty.”

Jaehyun blushes, again. “Thank you. It’s possibly one of my favorites.”

“I didn’t realize I was so stressed out,” Johnny mumbles after a beat too long, letting his head fall back on the headboard.

“I mean,” Jaehyun smooths his hands over the creases on Johnny’s button-up. “you did have an entire floor of your company almost set aflame. I’d be too.”

Johnny laughs. “Have you ever had that happen to you before?”

“Actually,” Jaehyun readjusts himself so he’s not brushing over Johnny’s dick. “I have. A couple years back, my best friend set the fire alarm off while trying to make toast. I don’t know what happened, but the apartment smelled awfully for a good week.”

“How much of a disaster is he?” there is laughter laced in his voice, and Jaehyun almost laughs too. The memory makes him angry, to this day he doesn’t know how Ten managed to set half their kitchen on fire while toasting slices of bread.

“I don’t let him do any cooking since then,” he shrugs, playing with Johnny’s tie. He can see how hard it is for the other to keep his hands to himself.

“Good,” he says with a smile, one Jaehyun hasn’t seen on him before. “I’d hate to see in the news such a cute young man died such a tragic death because of something so stupid.”

Jaehyun bursts out laughing, hitting Johnny in the shoulder. “Bold of you to assume I’d ever make it to the news.”

The look on Johnny’s face is of complete fondness, entirely disconcerting, and Jaehyun has to look away for a moment. Then, there’s a loud knocking on the door, and Jaehyun almost jumps out of his skin at the sound. It is the bouncer telling them their time is up, and Johnny looks upset.

“I guess this is my cue,” there is disappointment in his voice and Jaehyun almost feels bad. He climbs off his lap, rolling around so he’s resting against the headboard as well, looking over at him.

“Perhaps I’ll see you around, big guy.”

Johnny gives him a big smile, a nod and proceeds to get up. Jaehyun can see his legs wobble, struggling to keep his weight up after such an intense orgasm, but he manages. Jaehyun's eyes follow him as he makes his way across the room, dumps a stack of bills in the glass jar and opens the door to leave. He turns back around then, gives Jaehyun a soft smile, bowing his head just the slightest in goodbye.

Jaehyun waves at him, and watches as the door clicks shut behind his big frame. He sighs, head pounding against his temples and dick twitching in the confines of his underwear. It is uncomfortable, the tight fabric applying direct pressure to it, but he pays it no mind as he pushes his weight off bed and towards the coffee table. He can either forget about it or deal with it later.

Johnny has left two hundred more than he did the week before, and Jaehyun smiles despite himself at the weight of the bills in his hand. As he walks out the door and makes his way downstairs, suddenly his head doesn’t hurt as much anymore.

The remainder of his shift goes by in a blur of shots and dances up the stage, one or two patrons calling him down for a lap dance every now and then. By the time he gets home, muscles tired and headache turning into a migraine, he doesn’t even bother stopping by Ten’s room to check up on him. He would feel bad about it wasn’t for exhaustion catching up on him.

And even then he lies wide awake, mattress too stiff and sheets too itchy under his body. He trashes and turns, kicking at his offending duvet that clings to his leg, tears prickling at the corner of his eyes for his head hurts too much. It feels like his skull is being constantly constricted from inside out, the sharp pain behind his eyelids absolutely unbearable.

He sighs, too loud to his own ears, fingers grasping the hem of his cotton pajama shorts and sliding it down to his mid-thigh. He is tired, feels drained, but truthfully he can only ignore his boner for so long. He grips his dick by the base, sighing at the contact on the sensitive shaft.

He starts out slow, licks his thumb and presses at the head just as he’s done with Johnny hours ago. He can feel his head spin at the thought of the man, of his dick pretty and heavy between his fingers. And it’s not so hard to imagine this is Johnny’s hand around him instead of his own, alcohol still fuzzing up his thoughts.

He is out of breath when his thumb presses under the head of his cock, the hand at the base reaching down to fondle his balls. He moans, loud, a shiver that runs down his spine making his toes curl when he spits into his hand and fists his dick just a tad bit faster. He reaches further down, brushes over his perineum and teases his rim, vision dotting in white when he does so.

He flicks his wrist faster, slips the tip of his middle finger past the tight rim of muscles just for the sake of feeling something, and even though it is nowhere near ideal it is enough. It is enough when he arches his back off his bed, wrist working fast on his dick, lips parted as his moans make him forget about the pounding headache.

It doesn’t take long for him to come and he is glad, too tired to keep up the pace of his own desire. He comes with Johnny’s name on his lips and Johnny’s figure burned to his brain. There are sticky white streaks across his chest and under his chin, covering his fingers and he groans at the thought of taking another shower. He doesn’t though, reaches for his pack of wet wipes instead, cleaning his fingers before going over the expanse of his skin.

He expects exhaustion to lure him into a dreamless sleep. Instead, what he gets is a sleep full of Johnny, full of Johnny undressed down to nothing, fucking into Jaehyun's pliant mouth with little to no mercy.

Jaehyun wakes up confused, throat dry and chest heaving, a pool of cum sticking to his previously clean abdomen. He struggles to adjust to the bright daylight, cheeks flaming up at the thought of his own dream.

What the fuck.

 

It is barely past noon when he walks out of the shower, damp towel thrown over his shoulder. Ten is dozing off by the couch, and by how clean the dinner table looks Jaehyun knows he still hasn’t eaten since waking up.

“Hey, dumbass,” Jaehyun nudges his side with his knee, Ten instantly stirring awake. “Have you really not eaten anything?”

“No,” he groans, turning to face the back of the couch, hugging a spare cushion. “Let me sleep.”

“Ten, it’s past noon.”

Ten turns around just to glare at him. “Then maybe next time don’t wake me up at ass hour with your goddamn loud moaning. I thought you had brought someone over or some shit and forgot to tell me.”

“Oh,” Jaehyun scratches the back of his neck awkwardly. “Sorry about that, I couldn’t fall asleep.”

“Who _is_ Johnny and why the fuck were you so loud because of him?”

He turns around on his heels and immediately goes into the kitchen, avoiding the question altogether. “I’m gonna heat up some of that seaweed soup, you feeling it?”

“I’m good with anything,” Ten calls out, “but don’t avoid my question! Who is he!”

It takes him ten minutes and a lot of nagging before he gives up and sighs into his spoon, knees up to his chest as they sit by the table.

“He’s a patron from the club,” his voice is mumbled and partially blocked by the cutlery. “He tips me the most and calls me pretty. He is… kind of hot, I guess.”

Ten hums at him. “How hot are we talking?”

“Like, really.” Jaehyun gestures vaguely with his hands. “He could definitely crush you with a single hand you’re that tiny compared to him.”

“I’d find it offensive if the image wasn’t so hot.”

“Yeah,” Jaehyun nods at him, taking a moment to sip on his orange juice. “Had him at the VIP last night, and despite having the worst case of almost-migraine he, like… made me laugh? It was a good time.”

“What, did you blow him or something and that gave you a boner?” there is a smirk Jaehyun absolutely hates on Ten’s lips.

“A handjob, actually.” His tone is more correcting than informing but Ten snickers nonetheless.

“God I hope he tipped you good.”

“He did,” Jaehyun smiles. “I’ll probably see him around again.”

 

☆.｡.☾ .｡.☆

 

Jaehyun stops being surprised the fourth Friday in a roll Johnny shows up at the bar. Johnny is his first regular and he can’t really complain about it, not when Johnny is so generous with his tipping. Not that that’s all there is to him, Jaehyun reassures himself it isn’t, because Johnny is a great talker and an even better listener.

He always comes by after eleven, some days accompanied by his purple-haired friend but most times completely on his own. And Johnny is a nice man, Jaehyun thinks, even when being clearly stressed and overworked. One night, looking pretty tired with dark circles under his eyes, he reassures Jaehyun mid lap dance that he is okay with it if they just talk, that he, too, must be feeling tired.

And, to be honest, by the time Johnny walks into the club he always is, feet sore from standing all night, thighs strained from dancing and doing some pole routines. Jaehyun still puts on a show for him, even if just to rile him up, but most nights they just sit and chat for the entire hour.

Johnny asks him about anything and everything, from how he felt as a child when he got his first pet to his very first heartbreak. Johnny tells him he is a hopeless romantic, but that due to the fact he already had his current job even before graduating from college he hasn’t had much time to go out and meet people.

“That sounds a little sad,” Jaehyun mutters, sitting cross-legged across from Johnny in bed.

“Yeah, it is a little, but talking to you almost makes me forget about all that.” His smile is warm, and Jaehyun can’t help but smile back at him. Johnny is endearing in everything he does, and Jaehyun is starting to grow fond of that.

He climbs into Johnny’s lap, lazily rolling his hips against him, and when Johnny places both his hands on his hips and holds him down he doesn’t bother moving them away. His hands are massive against him, can feel the pads of his fingers brushing over his skin through the fishnets.

“You’re so fascinating,” Johnny breathes out, digging his nails into his flesh and pulling his body closer. Jaehyun gasps, grinds down on him with eagerness. “So pretty. You’re so beautiful, Jaehyun.”

His voice sends waves through his body, leaves him lightheaded and a little breathless. He places his hands on Johnny’s shoulders for support, head hanging low between his shoulders as he raises himself on his knees just the slightest bit and bounces back down. Johnny groans, makes him do that again, and Jaehyun practically squeaks.

Johnny reaches up to his face, fingers gently holding his chin and tilting his head up. Johnny’s eyes are glazed, pupils as blown as they were when they first met. His touch is feather-like over his skin as he caresses his cheek, hesitant, going up until he reaches his bangs. Jaehyun doesn’t notice he is holding his breath when Johnny brushes his hair out of his face, features so soft it chokes him up.

He moves Jaehyun around until Jaehyun’s thighs cage one of his legs, and a little push on his lower back just as he lifts his leg off the bed lets Jaehyun know exactly what he is supposed to do. Essentially, this isn’t supposed to be happening. This isn’t about Jaehyun, it never was and never will be, but something – a tiny voice in the back on his head – tells him that all this, whatever it is, riles Johnny up and gets him off just as much as everything else.

Or maybe it is the bulging tent in his pants that the most lucid part of his brain barely manages to register as Johnny presses his thigh up against him. Jaehyun lets his eyes fall shut, body falling into rhythm with the now barely audible background music that fades into white noise. Johnny has a tight grip on his hips, one he knows for sure he is going to feel ghosting on his skin for days. That, added to Johnny’s breath fanning his face every time he brings his hips down, has Jaehyun's head spinning, heart racing, and sanity slipping right through his fingers.

And just as he starts feeling fire spread through his body, fingertips going numb as his brain starts going haywire, Johnny throws him off his axis and pulls him off his leg. Jaehyun barely registers as he is sat in between Johnny’s legs, one hand around his thigh and the other threading through his hair. Jaehyun furrows his brows, words on the tip of his tongue as he searches Johnny’s face for an answer to whatever it is that is going on.

“You don’t have to,” Johnny answers the unasked question, gentle smile back on his lips and Jaehyun is starting to find it frustrating. “I want you to be comfortable, you don’t have to do it.”

“You’re weird, I don’t get it.” His words are mumbled and he is sure Johnny struggles to understand them for a minute.

“Then let’s do it this way. I told you how my day went, so now you tell me how yours did.” Johnny tucks a strand of hair behind Jaehyun's ear, and Jaehyun can feel his face dust a light shade of pink. “Sounds like fair game, doesn’t it?”

Jaehyun ponders for a while, chewing on his bottom lip as he repositions himself. He is facing Johnny, crossed legs between Johnny’s spread ones, knees overlapping with Johnny’s thighs. He hopes he isn’t bony to the point it hurts, and even if it does, Johnny doesn’t say anything to stop him. Instead, he still has that easy smile on his lips, features softened out, eyes looking at him as if he is the last man on earth. And sometimes, that’s exactly how Johnny makes him feel.

“Alright,” Jaehyun answers then, heart beating just a tad bit faster against his ribcage. “What do you wanna know?”

“Just like I told you, I wanna know how your day went.”

Jaehyun hums at that, thinking to himself what exactly he is supposed to say. “Night’s been pretty long. There were some troublesome guys who didn’t know how to behave a while ago before you got here, but they got kicked out as soon as boss caught up with it.”

Johnny visibly tenses up, and Jaehyun instinctively bites the inside of his cheek. “Are you okay, though? Are the other boys okay?”

“We’re all fine, yeah.” Jaehyun tries to give him a not so nervous smile, and by the way Johnny’s shoulder relax just the slightest bit he is positive it worked. “We just backed up on the stage until the bouncers came to get them out. It was kind of ugly, but we’re fine.”

The hand on his thigh squeezes him reassuringly, a relieved smile on Johnny’s lips. “I’m glad. I hope nothing bad ever happens to you.” Johnny pauses for a moment, stares him down until it is borderline uncomfortable, and Jaehyun forces himself to stare into the wall right past Johnny’s head. “But you know that’s not what I meant. You have a life outside here.”

“You’re so odd,” Jaehyun blurts out before he can stop himself. Johnny tilts his head to the side, clearly questioning and Jaehyun notes how he looks like a puppy. “Not in an offensive way, you’re just. Odd. People don’t usually come here to talk, you know.”

There is a long pause, one that Johnny stares at him blankly, not really saying anything, and Jaehyun wishes he didn’t say anything at all to begin with. He would probably shove his fist down his own throat and swallow his words if he could, and Johnny still isn’t saying anything so he takes a deep breath and tries again.

“Tiring. My day, I mean. It’s always tiring, I have too much to do and too little time. I get too little sleep at night because I would much rather do something productive than waste my precious time sleeping. So, to be honest, I’m really just exhausted.”

Johnny hums, the hand on his hair falling to his thigh to rub soothing circles on his skin. It is comforting, and Jaehyun knows if he could close his eyes for even a minute he could easily fall asleep.

“Working Fridays is good because it’s right before the weekend, but it’s probably the most exhausting since Thursday is therapy day.”

Johnny raises an eyebrow at him. “You go to therapy?”

The question isn’t condescending, and he doesn’t think it would be a problem at all if he did, but it still makes him shift in his seat a little.

“My best friend. The one who set fire in my apartment?” Johnny’s mouth forms an ‘O’ shape as he nods. “I have the entire day for him so we can do stuff after his session is over, and even though he always falls asleep first I can never get a good night’s sleep because I worry so much about him.”

“You’re such a great guy,” Johnny tells him after a while, smile tugging at the corners of his lips. “I’m sure your friend appreciates you and all the effort you put into him.”

“I mean, he better!” Jaehyun says in feigned annoyance, a smile threatening to split his face in half, and the both of them can’t help the laughing fit that comes right after.

There is a familiar knock on the door and Johnny takes a bit too long to get back on his feet, lingers for longer than necessary, the pads of his fingers brushing lightly against the skin of Jaehyun's cheek. And before he leaves for the night, because Jaehyun secretly does hope there is going to be another night, Jaehyun catches himself sitting at the edge of the bed, voice a little unsure when he speaks.

“Hey, Johnny?”

Johnny turns to look at him right as he is about to open the door, looking all but confused. Jaehyun chews on his lower lip, raw from the constant biting by now, feet fidgeting with one another where they dangle off the bed. He takes a deep breath because, honestly, he doesn’t have much to lose anyway.

“Why do you keep coming back?”

It is a genuine question that keeps running over his head every time they are together, because no matter how hard he tries, no matter how much he makes his brain work over the entire thing, it doesn’t make sense to him. At all. It doesn’t make sense why Johnny keeps coming back when he is less and less interested in what the club has to offer.

And then Johnny smiles, big and warm and reassuring, and Jaehyun's head spins when Johnny locks eyes with him. It is disconcerting, and he wants to look away, but Johnny’s gaze is intense and he is unable to.

“You make me feel good, Jae,” is all he says before he turns around and leaves for the night.

 

For the week to come up until they meet again Jaehyun finds himself unable to focus on a damn thing. Either be his dissertation, his college classes as a whole or his movie dates with Ten, he knows all too well his mind is somewhere else entirely. And Ten catches up on that too, stops nagging the third time Jaehyun spaces out on him.

It is a mess. This entire thing is a mess, and he curses himself during every waking second of his existence for even allowing himself to be this way. But how could he help it, really, when someone is going out of their way to make sure he feels good. Not that Ten doesn’t, because he does, but Ten is his friend and it is their duty to care for one another.

It is weird. The way Johnny makes him feel wanted and needed, almost, is weird, and it does things to him he would definitely be mortified to admit out loud. And he doesn’t think he is able to stop it, whatever it is, because Johnny is so heartwarming and entirely overwhelming there is little he can do to stop his head from spiraling down this rabbit hole.

Frustration is the only thing that comes to mind when he is under the shower, washing his stress and cum streaks away and down the drain, Johnny’s name choked up in his throat and his image burning vividly behind his eyelids. Frustration is the only thing that comes to mind when he reminds himself this is not supposed to be happening, because Johnny is a client and things should never have started going this way.

When he goes to bed, exhausted and muscles pulled taught, head pounding against his temples, it feels like he is losing his mind. Then Ten climbs into his bed, bags so dark under his eyes Jaehyun knows he must have spent one too many nights awake. And when he cuddles up against Jaehyun's significantly larger body, hair ruffling under Jaehyun's nose, Jaehyun honestly feels like he could burst out crying.

 

☆.｡.☾ .｡.☆

 

“Sleep.”

November has just rolled around, and Jaehyun is glad the heater in the VIP room works better than the one back down on the stage. He loves the colder weather when he has the chance to warm himself up, not when his emerald green set does little to cover him up.

He turns and looks at Johnny as if he’s grown three heads, confused to say the least. “Excuse me?”

Johnny walks over to bed, coaxing him on, and Jaehyun follows suit albeit a bit hesitant. “Last time you told me Thursdays are rough on you. So I’m telling you, sleep.”

Jaehyun bores holes into Johnny’s skull, words not ringing quite right for him. “You’ve completely lost it. I can’t do that.”

“Isn’t my time here all about making me feel good or whatever?” there is a grin on his face Jaehyun comes to the conclusion he absolutely hates, especially because Johnny isn’t exactly wrong. “I’m not gonna do anything to you while you’re asleep, I’m just concerned for you. I’ll wake you up in forty minutes, just try to catch some sleep.”

Johnny rests his back against the headboard, leaving enough space for Jaehyun to lie down. He does, setting himself way too far from him, and the moment his back hits the mattress every complaint he was about to spill flies right out the window. He looks up at Johnny, voice lacking the bite he planned on going for. “You’re out of your mind.”

The other ignores him. “Want me to sing you to sleep?”

Jaehyun laughs, tired and amused. “You can sing?”

“Well, I do play the piano and my family had me sing during the holidays every year.” Jaehyun looks up at him from where he in lying down and Johnny glows even under the dim lights. “I might not be the best but at least give me a shot.”

He hums, pretending to be deep in thought, knows that the dimples showing on his cheeks give him away no matter how hard he tries to hide it. Still, Johnny looks down at him expectantly, and it makes Jaehyun squirm a little. “Alright, you better give me your best one.”

Jaehyun turns on his stomach, the left side of his face down on the pillow so he is still looking up at Johnny. His leg sticks out to the side, ankle hooking over Johnny’s shin, and the position is a bit awkward but comfortable enough for him.

He waits and waits and _waits_ , and when his breathing steadies out and he thinks Johnny has completely given up on the idea the other opens his mouth, and Jaehyun is sure he has never heard anyone sound like that before. He doesn’t recognize the tune, could never really tell what song it is that he is singing, but it is soothing in a way Jaehyun couldn’t have imagined even in a million years.

His voice sounds like honey, drips thick and soaks into his skin so deeply Jaehyun can feel his heartbeat peak. Then Johnny’s hand is in his head, combing through his hair and he finally allows his body to relax. He is tired, so tired, and Johnny’s voice lulls him in and out of sleep with so much ease Jaehyun is sure he could do this every day if he had the chance to.

 

There is a gentle pat on his head and it only feels like a minute since he closed his eyes, but the insistent tapping lets him know nap time is over. There is emerald glitter on the pillow and the sheets once he gets up, an embarrassing spot of drool on the fabric he desperately tries to hide to no avail. Johnny chuckles at him, pries his hands off the pillow and Jaehyun notices how soft his hands are against his.

“I didn’t know you could get any prettier,” Johnny says, amusement in his voice, and Jaehyun frowns. “You are the actual cutest when you sleep.”

Jaehyun snorts, ungraceful as he can be. “There is literal drool on the pillow, my hair is most likely a mess and I probably snored. You’re so out of it today.”

“How have you been doing?” Johnny asks instead, tapping the free space between his legs. Jaehyun doesn’t hesitate before crawling over.

“Pretty much the same. Still tired. I graduate soon and I’m most definitely starting to panic over it. I also do think I needed that nap, so thank you.” He doesn’t say how much of a mess he’s been, how much of a mess Johnny has left him every day he gets back home, how he can’t take him off his mind for a damn second. He doesn’t say any of this because it’s not his place to, and he isn’t even supposed to feel any of this.

“I know it’s no use telling you not to stress over it because I’ve been there,” Johnny runs his hand over Jaehyun's hair, fixing it up for him. “So just know you’re trying your best. You can do it.”

“Thank you,” he answers shyly, hooking his ankles around Johnny’s waist. “That… really means a lot.”

Jaehyun fixes himself up, his crotch barely brushing against Johnny’s, really just looking for anything. If not for now, for later when he gets back home and is under his covers, stomach cramping up as his orgasm builds up and hits him in shockwaves. He tries grinding up against him only to be stopped by a firm hand on his hips.

“Is something wrong?” Jaehyun mutters, the creases in his forehead so deep it hurts.

“No, nothing’s wrong,” he reassures him but it does nothing to calm Jaehyun down. Johnny takes a deep breath, hand resting firmer on his hips, and Jaehyun stills. “There is… something I’ve been meaning to ask you, actually. I’ve been debating all week whether to do it or not and it’s now or never.”

“Stop making me nervous, what is it?”

“Will you–” Johnny pauses, looks up at him and straight into his eyes, and Jaehyun has never seen so much sincerity in them for all the while they’ve known each other. He is absolutely terrified of what might come next. “Will– would you consider, maybe– maybe going on a date with me?”

Jaehyun stiffens in his lap, eyes bulging so wide they almost fall off their sockets. He thinks he heard it wrong – he could have, his brain playing tricks on him for sure. But, in reality, there is no way he heard it wrong. His fingers shake, grasping at the lace of his thigh-highs, fidgeting with the fabric nervously as his heart pounds loudly in his chest. His head spins, and it might as well feel like a hallucination, his face and his chest heating up with the rush of blood pumping through his veins.

“I– I don’t–” he stutters, stumbling at the jumbled words scattered in his brain. “Johnny.”

He is flustered, doesn’t know what to do with himself, because no matter how he thinks of it – he never saw this coming. He wishes he did, wishes his brain so much as allowed him such fantasy, but reality hits him hard and it breaks him.

“I can’t. You know I can’t,” it hurts, it aches to say it out loud, makes his skin crawl and his stomach knot up. Because no matter how much he wants it, no matter how many times he attempts to talk himself into it, he can’t. “It’s against the house rules. I can’t.”

“But would you like to?” there is a flimsy thread of hope in his voice and Jaehyun hates it, hates that he has to tell him no. He nods his head once, because of course he would. He would be lying if he told him he didn’t, and Jaehyun was never a big liar to begin with. “We could– maybe we could try to. I mean, it’s not like they’re ever going to know.”

“Johnny, I need you to listen to me.” Jaehyun holds his gaze, fingers still fidgeting with the lace in his set. “I can’t afford to lose this job. Nothing’s gonna happen to you if this goes horribly wrong, but I cannot afford to lose this job right before I graduate. There is not a chance I can pay for my living costs without this. I’m sorry.”

Jaehyun makes sure his word is final and Johnny deflates at that, glint fading from his eyes and Jaehyun hates how much it bothers him. Because if there was any chance they would have met in a different way, a different time, then maybe things wouldn’t have to be like this. It hurts, but he holds his head high, and the loosening grip on his hips tells him Johnny has gotten the message.

The knock on the door comes sooner than Jaehyun expected to, the air around them so thick he could probably cut it with a knife if he tried to. Johnny gently pushes him off his lap and Jaehyun just lets himself be set aside, watches as Johnny makes his way to the door. He dumps a stack of bills in the glass jar that looks thicker than the ones he has left before and leaves without another word, and Jaehyun struggles to ignore the voice telling him he did what had to be done.

 

He cries in the shower once he gets back home, silent as hot tears wash down his face as his body shakes in absolute frustration. He punches the shower wall, if anything to stop himself from screaming, and it does little to remedy the anger he feels as the tiles bust the skin of his knuckles open. He whimpers, feels pathetic at all that, and the moment the steps into his room to change into his pajamas Ten is sitting on his bed, box of tissues on his left side and first-aid kit on his right.

“I’m not gonna ask what it is,” Ten starts out, patting the empty space in front of him. Jaehyun takes a seat, facing Ten but not really looking at him. “But if I have to take a guess, and it might be a wild one, I’d say this has to do with a very Johnny from the club.”

When he still doesn’t say anything, Ten continues.

“And it’s okay if you don’t want to talk, but whatever it is that is bothering you I’m sure you’re doing the right thing.”

“Why doesn’t it feel like it though?” he mutters, watching as Ten sprays antiseptic on his wounds.

“Sometimes what is right for your head isn’t right for your heart and vice versa. Ever since that one day I’ve had to remind myself of that every single day. If you think it’s worth it taking the risk, I’m not gonna be the one to stop you.” There is a pause in which Ten applies band-aids to the cuts, and when he takes too long to start talking again and Jaehyun looks up at him, Jaehyun finally sees how worried Ten looks over him. “Please, and I’m begging you here. Please just be careful.”

 

Pent-up frustration isn’t something Jaehyun has learned how to deal with very well. Going to class and coming back home is something mundane for him, routine steps he goes by with ease and as much tranquility as he can have. But now every little thing gets on his nerves, and he notices he’s got it bad when he nearly blows up on the kid who accidentally bumped into him on his way down the stairs.

It is bad to the point even Ten has started to give him dirty looks, mumbling into his toast and throwing clean laundry on him. And he can’t blame anyone but himself for it, really, when even he gets fed up with himself when he sighs a fifth time in the span of ten minutes while they’re sitting down to eat before Ten leaves for work.

Ten bangs his fist on the table, cutlery hitting the plates, the loud noise startling him out of his trance. “Alright, listen here, Jung. And you better listen closely because I’m only gonna say it once.” He takes a steadying breath, visibly irritated. “You know I’m very supportive of you and whatever it is that you choose to do with your life but listen. If you’re gonna be this sulky around the house and snapping at everyone who crosses your way because of something you think you shouldn’t have done, then I’ll have to tell you to cut it out.”

“It might not be the brightest idea, and I’ll really fucking hate myself if something happens to you, but I can’t stand seeing you like this. So, like,” he gestures vaguely with his hands, not even stopping to catch his breath. “Just go out with the guy. He sounds like a great person and I can assure you Joohyun will never know about it.”

“I can’t lose my job because of some stupid infatuation,” Jaehyun tells him, sounding more annoyed than he intended to. Ten gives him a pointed look, and he swallows down any other word he could possibly say.

“But is it stupid when you can’t even focus on your upcoming graduation? We’re in November already, you don’t have much time left to be just doing nothing around like this.”

“What if it goes terribly wrong? What if he is nothing like he shows himself to be?”

“Send me a message and I’ll have the cops on speed dial,” Ten says, and although it sounds dramatic Jaehyun knows it is final, so he doesn’t try to argue.

Ten leaves for work shortly after, leaving Jaehyun alone to his thoughts and he really feels like he could scream his lungs off. He doesn’t, decides to sleep the thought off in hopes it will have gone away once he wakes up.

Only that it doesn’t, and it is a quarter past three when Ten unlocks the front door quietly and Jaehyun lies wide awake in his bed, fingers impatiently tapping against his stomach as his brain runs a thousand miles per hour. It is a little over five when he finally manages to fall asleep again, completely dismissing class for the day.

He wakes with a light shake to his shoulder and a fully dressed Ten, reminding him therapy starts in about half an hour. Jaehyun dresses up and heads out with a lighter heart and newfound determination, excitement sitting low in the pit of his stomach.

 

Friday comes, and Jaehyun's excitement only grows bigger. He can’t stand still, watching the hours go by as he gives his all and then some on stage. Even Hansol notices his unusual giddiness as he hops back to the bar for another drink.

“You seem extra bright today,” he comments as he pours a shot of tequila for him. Jaehyun takes it with a big smile, dimples going as deep as he thinks they ever did, and Hansol smiles back at him.

“I’m just excited, I guess.”

“Waiting for the big guy?” Hansol asks with the raise of a brow, and his words are free of judgement.

Jaehyun nods, glancing at the clock on the wall behind Hansol’s head. “He should be here any minute now.”

A minute turns into thirty that turns into an hour, and when Jaehyun least expects it is closing time and Johnny never showed up. He frowns as he makes his way to the locker room, lower lip jutting out in a pout he isn’t very aware that is even there to begin with.

“You okay there?” Sicheng asks him, looking just slightly concerned as he slips out of his set.

“Did bigfoot not come today?” it’s Taeyong asking this time, and Jaehyun's frown deepens.

“Don’t call him that, he’s not even that tall. But,” he pauses, opening his locker and slipping out of his own burgundy set. “Yeah, he didn’t.”

“You know it’s fine if he doesn’t come, right? It doesn’t mean he won’t ever come again.” He knows Sicheng is trying to be reassuring, but his monotone voice only makes his unfounded worries sink deeper in his stomach.

“Right? Maybe he’s busy or something, don’t sweat over it.” Taeyong gives him a smile, one that is genuine and Jaehyun would appreciate wasn’t his brain such a mess. “Like, he tips good, I know, but it’s not like other patrons don’t tip you at all. I mean, they love you.”

“Thanks,” is all he says, and he doesn’t really know what he’s thanking him for. All he knows is that he hates the unsettling feeling in his stomach, and as he makes his way back home he feels like he might actually throw up.

Johnny doesn’t show up the following week either or the one after that, and even Joohyun has noticed his foul mood as the nights go on. He tries not to think about it, because it is only natural real life catches up on people. Still, he can’t help but feel like he’s fucked this up big time, and that he might never get a chance to fix it up.

 

☆.｡.☾ .｡.☆

 

Jaehyun loves winter. What he doesn’t like is exams season that comes with it when December hits them, cold and unforgiving. He knows he can’t quite possibly fuck his exams up, because he’s been neck deep into his books for an entire month studying for them.

“You going to work today?” Ten asks him from where he stands by his bedroom door.

“I mean,” Jaehyun doesn’t look up from the mirror, fingers running over his freshly dyed hair. His previously dark locks are now ash blonde and he just hopes it doesn’t look too weird. “of course I am. Why wouldn’t I?”

“You just finished your exams, aren’t you tired?” he can hear the padding of Ten’s feet against the floor as he makes his way over, fingers threading through Jaehyun's hair when he stops right behind him. “Do you like it?”

“Yeah, I’m tired, but I need the money.” He looks at Ten through the mirror, small smile on his lips. “I do like it, thank you for helping me out.”

“Looks good on you,” Ten nods, resting his cheek against his shoulder. “Are you still hoping he’s gonna show up?”

Jaehyun doesn’t reply for a minute, words spiraling down his stomach and making him nauseous. “It’s been a month, I don’t think he’s coming at all.”

Ten doesn’t say anything else, wrapping his arms around his torso to give him a tight hug. Jaehyun appreciates it, he really does, thankful for all the ways Ten manages to fill the emotional gaps he’s been feeling since the day Johnny stopped going to the club.

 

Jaehyun sits by the bar, taking a breather and thanking all gods and forces of nature for allowing the club to be so quiet today. He is tired, unimaginably exhausted, feet sore and thighs burning.

“Do you need a drink or something?” Hansol asks him, reaching for a bottle of vodka. “You don’t look so well.”

“I’m fine,” he lies because it is easy, and he really likes easy even if he is the worst liar alive. “Don’t worry about me.”

Hansol gives him a pitiful look but doesn’t press.

“Jaehyun, dear,” Joohyun calls him out, making her way over to the bar from where she had been hanging around the stage. He looks at her, trying not to look too confused. “There is someone who wants to see you. Why don’t you go and make your way upstairs?”

He frowns but is quick to nod, briefly bowing his head to her as he hops on his feet and starts making his way upstairs. He can hear Hansol asking her who it is, but the loud music drowns out her response and whatever chances he had of hearing it.

There is only one door open, light seeping out into the dimly lit hallway. The bouncer nods at him and gestures to the room, and Jaehyun finds himself hurrying up to get inside. When he does, he stops dead in his tracks, heart shooting up to his throat and choking him up.

Johnny is sitting by the edge of the bed, knees knocking up together and back so straight it looks uncomfortable. He in dressed in a white turtle neck that hugs his biceps – something Jaehyun had never seen before for he was always wearing a suit. He has changed his hair color and given himself a haircut; where his locks had previously been long and chocolate they are now a deep black with an undercut, and Jaehyun notices how well it goes with his features.

Jaehyun is dumbstruck for as long as it takes him to take the sight in, to accept that he isn’t hallucinating and that this is, in fact, happening. He keeps his face straight as he walks over, unfaltering when Johnny smiles up at him, making an effort to be as unreadable as possible. Because he doesn’t want to give away the slight shake of his fingers, the twists and turns of his stomach, the rapidly increasing heartbeat against his ribcage.

He slides into his role with far too much ease, not batting a lash when his hand meets Johnny’s chest and backs him up until his feet no longer touch the floor. It is with ease that he cages Johnny’s hips with his thighs, sways to the beat of the music, crotch brushing against Johnny’s, and be absolutely loves the shocked expression that runs across Johnny’s face.

He doesn’t stop until Johnny reaches up to his arms and holds him still until he comes to a halt. There is a ghost of a smile on Jaehyun's lips and he can see Johnny’s pupils shake, probably just like his own and they stare each other up. Jaehyun is first to break the icy cold silence, unable to hold his words back for a minute longer.

“Where have been?” his voice is quiet, unlike the turmoil in his head.

“You missed me?” there is a cocky grin on Johnny’s lips that doesn’t quite match the tone of his words. He sounds just as hesitant as Jaehyun does, tension palpable in the air surrounding them. Jaehyun feels like suffocating.

He doesn’t intend on sounding demanding but he does, and this time he really does think he has nothing else to lose. “Answer my question.”

Johnny lets go of his arms, palms ghosting over his hips before settling for his thighs. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to disappear like that. I haven’t been feeling so well, and I had some… problems to deal with.”

Jaehyun lets his guard down, allowing his shoulders to relax. “I hope everything is fine now.”

Johnny’s smile is heartwarming, and Jaehyun notices how much he’s missed it. “I think they are, yeah.”

“Would you like anything special for today? A helping hand, maybe?” Jaehyun is smiling again for the first time in too long and Johnny chuckles at him, shaking his head.

“Just talk. Tell me how you’ve been, I’ve missed talking to you.”

Jaehyun blushes, completely against his will, but tries to stay focused. “Well, same old I suppose? It’s not like I have that much going on for me, you know. But tell me about you, you’re the one who disappeared into thin air.”

“It’s just…” Johnny pauses and Jaehyun can see his brain trying to choose the right words. “A lot of internal conflicts and some company problems, but I do think everything is going to be fine now.”

They fall into a comfortable silence, one they are too familiar with, and Jaehyun's brain starts working full time again. He knows this is it, that he can’t fuck it up again, and yet he still can’t bring himself to open his mouth. It is hard to piece his thoughts together, because while he does want to, maybe Johnny doesn’t want to anymore, and then it is going to be awkward again and he doesn’t really want Johnny to leave a second time.

“Okay,” he finally says after much thought and much staring coming from Johnny. The staring doesn’t cease, gets even more intense as the other’s expression turns into one of utter confusion.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean okay, I will go on a date with you.”

Jaehyun can see Johnny’s entire world light up, a smile splitting his face in half and, wow, he’s so fucking gorgeous. Jaehyun can feel his breath hitch when Johnny’s hand goes up to cup his cheek, eyes bulging out in surprise. Johnny mimics his expression, realizing what he is doing, and is quick to retreat his hand. He can see Johnny blush for the first time since they met, and maybe even that is a reflection of his own face.

“Are you for real? Like, you’re not joking right now?” He asks, voice like rapid fire, stumbling on his syllables as he tries to glue his words back together.

“Do you think after a whole month I would be joking about something like that?” there is no bite or venom to his words, and he hopes Johnny knows he is just being sincere from the bottom of his heart. “Everything I have is at stake here, so be considerate.”

“No that’s – that’s perfect! Absolutely perfect. Does Wednesday sound good to you?”

Jaehyun chokes up on saliva. “As in _this_ Wednesday?!”

“Is that a problem?” Johnny frowns. “We can definitely find some other time.”

“No!” Jaehyun yelps, hand flying to his mouth as if that could take the words back down his throat. “No, I mean – it’s good. Wednesday is good.”

“Oh my god okay, _okay_. This isn’t a drill.” The other tries taking deep, calming breaths, and Jaehyun finds it absolutely adorable. “I’m taking the prettiest boy in town on a date. Wow. Okay, where should I take you?”

Johnny is looking at him with expectant eyes and all Jaehyun can do is smile at him. “I’m good with anything, to be honest.”

“Nice. Great. Do you like pasta?” Jaehyun nods. “You know that one Italian restaurant downtown? The one with the glass wall?”

“You gotta be joking,” Jaehyun says flatly. “I could never set my foot in there, it’s too expensive!”

“Well, pretty baby,” Jaehyun feels his face heat up even more at the name. “This is your lucky day because guess what? _I_ am _taking you_ on a date. All you gotta do is show up.”

“You really are completely out of your mind,” Jaehyun scoffs, sliding down Johnny’s thigs to rest on his knees. It is uncomfortable, Johnny’s bones digging into his ass, but he doesn’t really care.

“Maybe I am,” Johnny smiles at him, standing up and putting both of them on their feet. “It’s a date, then?” Jaehyun nods. “I’ll see you there at eight.”

Johnny takes Jaehyun's hand in his and Jaehyun can’t take his eyes off him, not when Johnny brings his hand up to his lips and places a chaste kiss on top of it. Jaehyun doesn’t realize he is holding his breath until Johnny lets go and gives him yet another smile, turning back around to leave him a tip and head to the door.

“The time isn’t up yet,” Jaehyun tries telling him as he watches Johnny leave his tip.

“I know. Try to get home early or something, take a rest. Tell your boss I’m paying for the rest of your shift.”

“Johnny, you can’t do that!”

Johnny giggles. “Well, too bad, I just did.” He pauses at the door, turning to look back at Jaehyun before leaving. “Before I forget to say it, I love your new hair, you look so fucking gorgeous. See you on Wednesday!”

Before Jaehyun can even get to say anything else Johnny is already out the door, loud music from the club flooding into the room. He scoffs, because this entire thing is absolutely ridiculous. He doesn’t even bother checking when he grabs the tip and bolts downstairs, Johnny nowhere to be seen.

Joohyun is still at the bar, chatting away with Hansol as he fixes up a row of new drinks, and a quick glance at the clock lets him know it is barely past midnight. There is no way she is going to agree to it, it is just ridiculous. Still, he tries.

“Uhm, boss?” Joohyun turns to look at him, eyes glistening and smile on her lips. “So, uh, the guy who wanted to see me? I think he booked me for the rest of the night but he kinda… already left?”

“And?” she asks.

“And he told me to just go home and sleep.” It is stupid and he knows it the moment the words roll off his tongue.

“And do you wanna do that?” Jaehyun doesn’t say anything, gives a shy nod instead, and her smile doesn’t falter for a second. “Well, did he pay you?” another nod. “Then go ahead and do just that. You already know what to do before you clock out, just stop by my office and that whole ordeal.”

“Thanks a lot, Irene. You’re the best.” He quickly tells her, holding off on a hug he almost gave out, smiling at both her and Hansol before running to the locker room.

“Yeah, I know that!” he can hear her call out before the door closes behind him.

 

When he unlocks the front door of their apartment, the look on Ten’s face can only be described as surprise. It’s not even one, and he knows it’s suspicious that he is back early before the shift ends.

“Why are you home?” is the first thing Ten asks from his spot on the couch, a half-finished bowl of cereal in his lap. “Did you get fired or something?”

“Thanks for having so much faith in me,” Jaehyun rolls his eyes as he closes the door, toeing his shoes off. He makes his way to the couch, plopping down right next to Ten and resting his head on the crook of his neck.

“Can you fucking answer me? It’s too early for you to be home.”

“Johnny showed up today.” There is a small smile on his lips he is certain Ten can see.

“Oh?”

“He booked me for the rest of the night and told me to come home and have some rest after I told him I do wanna go on a date with him.”

Ten gasps loudly. “Oh my god, hasn’t it been, like, a month since that happened?” Ten punches him in the arm, smile brightening up his face. “Oh my god, you’re finally getting that dick!”

“Ten, it’s a dinner date!” Jaehyun says exasperatedly. “Why are you like this!”

“Well, that doesn’t mean you won’t be getting his dick! You know you can if you want to, it’s not wrong to fuck on the first date, fuck society rules!” He shoves Ten aside and the boy just lets him. “But in all seriousness, I’ve told you this before but please be careful.”

“I will, you don’t have to worry.”

Sleep, for once in his life, comes easily to him, white and light and Jaehyun can’t remember the last time he felt this peaceful in the past few months.

 

“I feel extremely undressed,” Jaehyun complains, playing with the hem of his sweater as he stands right outside the restaurant. Ten rolls his eyes at him, smoothing a crease on his shoulder.

“You’re completely fine, this is the nicest sweater you own.” Jaehyun knows his words are meant to be reassuring, but his jeans and boots still make him feel extremely out of place. “But, damn, boy really went all out on this huh.”

“God, Ten, _I know._ ” He doesn’t mean to whine, but he does, which is perfectly understandable because he doesn’t understand how can someone live like this. “He’s literally so extra, I told him I couldn’t even step inside this place but he insisted.

“Sounds like someone is really into you,” Ten is smiling at him, but it quickly disappears once it starts drizzling. “Okay listen, I gotta blast before Joohyun eats my ass because I’m late. I mean, not that I _would_ complain, but you know how she is when she’s mad.”

“Try bribing Sicheng into letting you eat his ass, you’ve been a pile of nerves lately.”

“Maybe I will, but we’re too powerful together.” And Ten is right. The world would probably explode into a million pieces as they try to overpower one another. “Anyways, I’ll leave my phone with Hansol, so if anything comes up don’t hesitate to text or call me. I’ll come straight away ready for murder.”

“I don’t think that’s gonna be needed,” Jaehyun says with a smile despite his guts twisting uncomfortably. “but I appreciate. Now go, I can take care of myself.”

Jaehyun watches walk back to the station, his heart rapidly beating in his chest and he feels like he is going to throw up any second. He takes a deep breath, smooths his hands over his sweater out of nervousness and steps into the restaurant just as drizzle turns into rain.

The place is fancy, although he already knew that from walking past it numerous times on his way to the station. High ceilings and black furniture sober the place up, and when a woman takes his name and starts walking to his designated table, he feels his hands get clammy and his breath run short.

Johnny is already waiting for him, distractedly playing on his phone as he approaches. A black trench coat hugs his shoulder, equally as black as his ink hair, and Jaehyun can’t help but think about how beautiful he is. And then it makes him feel self-conscious and extremely undressed in his caramel sweater, but there is no time left for him to turn around and leave because Johnny is looking up, and then he’s smiling at him, and god does that smile make him look even more beautiful.

“Hi,” Johnny says, raising up to his feet and he’s beaming, absolutely breathtaking, and Jaehyun feels like all this is a fever dream. Johnny steps into his personal bubble, places a hand on his lower back and pulls him closer, lips chastely wetting his cheek with a kiss. He really hopes he isn’t blushing, that the heat in his body is just from Johnny somehow warming him up with body heat, because he doesn’t think he can handle getting any more embarrassing.

“Sorry I’m a little late,” Jaehyun says airily, taking one too many seconds to recompose himself. He fails to, because Johnny is reaching for a red rose that lays on the table that he hadn’t noticed before, and it’s a struggle for him to accept it with shaky fingers. He hopes Johnny doesn’t notice. “My friend was making sure I wasn’t going to get murdered.”

“Not because of me I hope,” there is a playful smile on his lips but Jaehyun knows Johnny sounds all shades of hesitant.

“Don’t get offended, it’s nothing personal but you do have to agree it’s kinda sketchy.”

Johnny laughs, scratching the back of his neck and Jaehyun laughs too, praying things won’t get so awkward so early in the evening. “I suppose. But please take a sit, I’ve ordered something for us to drink.”

Jaehyun quickly makes his way to his seat, dismissing any attempt at chivalry Johnny might attempt by fixing himself up, and he is glad to see Johnny doesn’t even make a move to walk towards him. It’s nice, it’s less awkward this way and he would much rather smile comfortably than force it up to please the other.

Johnny’s order, in fact, was a bottle of very expensive wine, some French label Jaehyun can’t even bring himself to attempt pronouncing. He watches as the sommelier pours Johnny a glass, and Johnny looks extremely hot taking a sip of it, and suddenly the room is too hot, too stuffy. It’s not like he’s been deprived, Jaehyun really shouldn’t be getting worked up like that, but he find it so, extremely hard whenever he is around Johnny. And then the sommelier is pouring him a glass, too, and the first sip tastes like a piece of heaven being spread out on his tongue.

“This – this is amazing,” Jaehyun says, taking another sip of the tinted wine, taste buds sending him straight to heaven. Johnny watches him carefully, a smile slowly creeping up his lips, and Jaehyun smiles back at him. “Really, it’s so good. You have an amazing taste.”

“Well, didn’t you already know that when I kept coming back to you?” he’s grinning, smirking almost, and Jaehyun rolls his eyes at him.

“How can someone as good looking as you be so bad at flirting?”

Johnny shrugs. “Dunno, just trying to make it clear.”

Dinner goes as smoothly as it possibly can, and where Jaehyun didn’t think he could get even more head over heels for Johnny he finds himself completely amazed and utterly speechless, Johnny’s laugh seeping through his pores and running through his veins, his presence imposing and so overwhelming Jaehyun doesn’t know what to do with himself.

And for once he finds it’s okay to not know what to do, because Johnny is right there to pick him up when he doesn’t know what to say, to fill in the blanks and to chat his life away. And Jaehyun is thankful for that, doesn’t think he could ever talk himself out of his pit of anxiety whenever Johnny looks too intensely at him, waits too long for him to answer.

It’s still raining outside, and the way streetlights shine up on Johnny’s back through the glass wall at the front makes him look kind of ethereal, and Jaehyun finds himself unable to tear his eyes way. Johnny doesn’t let silence fall upon them even as they eat, and Jaehyun is part nervous and part glad for it. Everything is beautiful, too beautiful, and as the night dances away around them Jaehyun thinks he doesn’t really want it all to end so soon.

He picks his phone up for a second, opens his text message and takes a deep breath before typing it up.

 

To: Tennie

From: Jaehyun

[10:24] hey, hansol. if you’re reading this, can you please tell ten everything is okay? he is probably freaking out, thought he should know.

 

The answer comes not a minute later, and he smiles to himself as he reads it.

 

From: Tennie

To: Jaehyun

[10:24] will let him know straight away

 

“Everything okay?” Johnny asks, looking up from his glass of wine.

Jaehyun hums at him. “Was just letting my friend know I haven’t been murdered yet.”

Johnny laughs at him, setting the glass down to fondly stare into his eyes. It’s hazy, probably as unfocused as Jaehyun's, their second bottle almost all the way empty. “You still think I could possibly murder you?”

“Mm,” Jaehyun pauses dramatically, long enough to make Johnny raise an eyebrow at him. “You still have plenty of time to do that.”

Johnny blushes, downing the rest of his glass without really looking at him. “Will you please just believe me? Just this once?”

“I mean, I’m here, aren’t I?” Jaehyun smiles at him, and Johnny’s blush grows deeper. “I believe you. For some odd reason, because I shouldn’t. But I do.”

Johnny’s fingers brush over the top of Jaehyun's hand, and Jaehyun doesn’t pull away. They’re warm despite the cold weather, and it makes Jaehyun's skin buzz with every touch. He flips his hand over, splays his hand out for him, and Johnny is hesitant for a moment to let his palm rest over it. It’s delicate, it’s shy and Jaehyun's heart does a somersault once Johnny settles his hand into his own.

“Thank you for coming out today,” Johnny practically whispers, fingers curling into Jaehyun's hand. Jaehyun lets him.

“Thanks for asking me out,” there is a pause in which he feels awkward, so he quickly adds, “or whatever.”

“You’re cute,” Johnny states like it’s a fact, and Jaehyun rolls his eyes at him again. Johnny laughs, airily but wholeheartedly, and Jaehyun holds back the urge to swat his hand away. “and pretty. So fucking gorgeous, you know that?”

“You’re so corny,” Jaehyun says matter-of-factly. His fingers curl into Johnny’s hand, and he finds there is nothing he wants more than this right here, right now.

Johnny shrugs again. “Maybe I am, but you still seem to like it.” There is a pause, and Johnny’s hand warming up his own makes his skin buzz. “Can I ask you something?” Jaehyun hesitates but nods anyway. “Can I have your number?”

Jaehyun retracts his hand as if he’s been burnt with fire, folding it with the other one in front of his plate. His fingers tangle and untangle, fidgeting with each other until he brings them to rest on his lap. He knows his eyes are shaking, avoids eye contact with him by looking down at his plate. He can see Johnny lick his lips nervously, slowly retracting his hand, and Jaehyun sighs at himself.

“You know this is wrong,” he starts out, fingers playing with the hem of his sweater. “If we get caught it really is the end for me. And I can’t afford to lose my job. Literally.” He sighs, deep and loud, and even from where his eyes are trapped he can see Johnny pout. “But you know, I’ve already said fuck this the minute I agreed to go out with you, so why not.”

Johnny beams at him, and Jaehyun loves how radiant he looks as he fumbles with his coat pocket to fish his phone out. Jaehyun switches phones with him, quickly types his number out and Johnny is still smiling when they hand each other’s phones back.

“I’ll text you,” Johnny says, and Jaehyun believes it, prays to whatever god is out there that he really will.

 

And he does. The minute Jaehyun locks the door to his room his phone dings with a message, and he can still feel Johnny’s lips lingering on his cheek. He feels warm, either from embarrassment or arousal but it doesn’t matter, because Johnny is asking him if he’s safe and sound and he can’t even begin to try telling his heart everything is fine because it clearly isn’t.

He types a quick message telling him that yes, he is safe and sound, tossing his phone aside the moment the message is sent and climbing into his bed. It’s hot, too hot, his sweater sticking to his skin in such an uncomfortable way he nearly rips it off his body. It’s winter and it shouldn’t be this hot, not when Ten isn’t even home yet to have turned the heater on, and the strain in his pants is so uncomfortable he nearly whimpers when it pulses against the zipper.

He barely manages to push his jeans past his ass before his hand reaches for the base of his dick, squeezing it so hard it leaves him winded. It’s Johnny in his mind and on his lips and behind his eyelids, and if he thinks hard enough it’s Johnny’s hand on his dick, stroking him from base to tip with practiced precision all Jaehyun can do is whimper into his pillow. His hand is rough against his dick, calloused and dried out from the cold but he can’t even bring himself to complain, too far gone and spiraling down his own pleasure to care about anything else.

And then his phone dings with a new message, somewhere across his room and he comes with a shout of Johnny’s name, come spilling into his hand and over his sheets and sticking to his thigh where it rubs against his bed, thighs shaking and brain going into overdrive. It’s absolutely insane how Johnny gets him worked up with so little, and the moment he comes down from his high he realizes how absolutely fucked he is.

 

The weeks that precede Christmas are rather memorable for Jaehyun, although he would rather dig his own grave than admit it out loud. After dinner went perfect fine as smoothly as it could be and after Jaehyun sent himself into exhaustion that very night, Johnny kept texting him every day following up to Friday, and it stressed him out how he couldn’t get the other off his mind for a minute of his day.

It’s not that he doesn’t like it, but with graduation coming up and so many deadlines with it, it really was a goddamn inconvenience to be thinking about someone’s dick in broad daylight. And a small, really tiny piece of his brain really wishes Johnny feels the same about him, that he can’t stop thinking about it while he’s at work conferences, talking stocks or whatever it was he does. He wishes Johnny is going through as much of a hard time as he is because it’s only fair.

He shouldn’t be surprised when Johnny shows up the following Friday and the one after that, all smiles and good sports and Jaehyun kind of feels weak on the knees about that. He should be used to it by now, he really should because it’s been months, but Johnny’s smile has him shaking and short on breath and maybe, just maybe, Jaehyun falls for him a little more every time.

Behind the closed doors of the VIP rooms Jaehyun has Johnny wrapped around his finger just as much as Johnny has Jaehyun wrapped around his, a constant push and pull that almost has Jaehyun begging for more. Almost because Jaehyun doesn’t beg, not unless extremely needed, and Johnny really could use some push back at the right times, hands too eager to run over Jaehyun's body, mouth too desperate to latch on his neck.

And he really doesn’t mind it, caution thrown out the window too long ago, lost in the way Johnny makes him feel, the way his scent overpowers his senses and makes him dizzy. It’s unreal and maybe a little bit pathetic how Johnny can turn him putty with just a touch, but he doesn’t really mind seeing as he has Johnny just as much of a mess every time they meet. He lets his guards down bit by bit, lets Johnny’s hands roam all over his body, brush over his hips and his thighs and around his neck, and maybe he shouldn’t be keening at it but he can’t really help it.

It’s too much and yet it isn’t enough, Johnny’s entire being completely intoxicating, sending him over the edge and pushing him on until he is about to fall. And right before he does Johnny is right there to catch him, to bring him back to his tracks only to push him off again, and it would be so exhausting wasn’t it so thrilling.

Because, if he is being honest with himself, he really just fucking loves the thrill of pulling and pushing someone he knows too much yet not enough about. He knows how to get to Johnny, knows how to make his knees bend and his throat dry, voice hoarse and fingers shaking as they thread through Jaehyun's blonde locks. And it’s a curse how Johnny knows how to get to him too, to press his thumbs into his hipbones until he squirms, moans and whines for him to stop because it’s too much.

And after all that, after they tire themselves to the bone, when there is nothing else to give, Johnny’s hands come cradling his face, the pads of his fingers rubbing over his cheeks, eyes looking into his soul so deep Jaehyun is sure he could strip him naked with just that. Maybe he does, strips him down to his soul and leaves him just like that, vulnerable and exposed, and Jaehyun doesn’t really mind it even just a bit.

It’s a mess, it’s complicated and everything Jaehyun should be avoiding like the plague, but then Johnny is whispering into his ear how beautiful he is, how happy he makes him, and every single one of Jaehyun's concerns fly right out the window. Because he is happy like this, with how things turned out to be and how they just keep on going, and he doesn’t think he wants to change it for a thing in the entire universe.

 

☆.｡.☾ .｡.☆

 

When they meet Friday after Christmas it feels like they haven’t seen each other in a really long time even though it’s been just yet another week. Maybe it’s the holiday spirit that surrounds the city and everyone living in it, maybe it’s the giddiness of meeting someone that means too much after one of the most memorable moments of the year, or maybe it was just Jaehyun being too overly excited to get his hands all over Johnny again.

They barely greet each other as Johnny pushes him against the door and into the room, hands cupping his cheeks and bringing their lips together in a hungry kiss. Jaehyun thinks he hears Johnny murmur a _Merry Christmas_ in between kisses, but he isn’t paying attention nor is he going to interrupt the way Johnny impatiently shoves his tongue down his throat to ask what was that about.

And it’s fine, he doesn’t care as long as he can taste Johnny on his tongue and feel him on his skin as Johnny drags them over to the bed, letting himself fall back as Jaehyun falls on top of him. It would be uncomfortable weren’t they so hot, hands all over as tongues lick every patch and crevice inside their mouths.

Maybe it wasn’t the best day to try out a new set, black fishnets with black panties and an equally black thigh harness that closes up on his waist. It was miscalculation from his part but Johnny doesn’t seem to mind, moans every time his fingers run over the leather until he thinks it’s enough and reaches up to undo it. Jaehyun lets him, his waist feeling the relief of no longer being constricted, and then Johnny’s hands run over his ass and thighs and gropes him so hard Jaehyun accidentally moans out loud, louder than he ever expected to.

It fuels Johnny and Jaehyun can feel every last bits of control he had slip right through his fingers when Johnny pushes his fishnets down along with his underwear, cold hands deadly on his skin sending shivers up his spine. It’s fine, because Jaehyun's skin feels like it’s on fire, his sanity quickly slipping away from him when Johnny latches his lips on his neck and sucks a dark hickey right where his shoulder meets his neck.

It’s trouble, really, to let Johnny wreck him like this, mark him like he owns him, but Jaehyun is too far gone to care. His hands make their way into Johnny’s hair, grabbing and pulling and bringing him closer and closer until their lips crash again, sloppy and wet and all tongue and teeth. He is breathless, Johnny’s teeth nibbling on his bottom lip as Jaehyun grinds up on him, crotches aligned so perfectly he has to hold himself back from coming from just that.

What he doesn’t expect is for Johnny to massage his ass, to spread his cheeks apart and honestly, Jaehyun isn’t a fool not to know what’s coming next. So he just braces himself, takes a deep breath and buries his face on Johnny’s neck, tongue licking over the same patch of skin, teeth gently biting down on him as Johnny painstakingly slowly takes his time. It’s frustrating, yet the second he opens his mouth to complain it quickly falls shut, a moan being chocked up right behind his throat.

Johnny’s finger on his rim feels like setting fire to his gasoline soaked body, sending shivers down his spine and making his blood boil in his veins. His breath hitches, and he could be embarrassed did he give a flying fuck about it. He doesn’t, spreads his legs wider apart and Johnny grunts in his ear, making his brain short-circuit.

Johnny doesn’t let up, keeps massaging his entrance until Jaehyun is completely pliant under him, muscles relaxed and lips parted in a silent moan. It feels good, too good, thighs quivering as Johnny keeps on teasing his hole. And then he whines, breath caught in his throat when Johnny pushes the tip in, slowly wiggling it until Jaehyun digs his nails on his biceps.

“Johnny,” he breathes out, sweat making his hair stick to his forehead. “ _Please._ ”

It’s vague, a plead for nothing yet everything and Johnny knows, places a kiss to his temple as he pulls it out only to push it right back in. Jaehyun's entire body shakes under his touch and Johnny airily laughs, pulling his finger out again and settling for pressing against his rim instead.

“Let’s go back to my place,” his voice is low, strained, and Jaehyun has to close his eyes to will the rush of adrenaline going straight to his dick away.

“I– can’t–”

“Oh come on,” a kiss to his neck. “Please?”

Jaehyun notices his resolve has been shattered long ago. “ _Fuck_. Okay, you know what? Fine. I don’t give a fuck, I’ll go.”

Johnny lets go of his cheeks and pulls his fishnets and underwear back up, giving his ass a light tap. When he gently pulls Jaehyun back by the hips, Jaehyun can see how beaming he looks and it drives him crazy. “I’ll pick you up at the station. Your shift is almost over anyway, right?”

“Yeah,” Jaehyun breathes out, struggling to focus. “Yeah, it is.”

Johnny kisses him full on the lips then, tongue running over the seam of his lips and slipping right in, licking every curve and bump, behind his teeth and over his mouth and Jaehyun all but melts into it. How could he not, when Johnny’s hands feel so massive on his hips and over his thighs, overwhelming when they reach up to cup his cheeks.

And then he is gone too soon, Jaehyun struggling to catch his breath as he pants on his spot on the bed. His heart pounds in his chest, ears ringing as his brain tries to convince him how wrong this is. But the thrill of doing something he isn’t supposed to gets him worked up and he loves it, makes him bounce on his step as he makes the way down and back on the stage for the remainder of his shift.

“You look excited today,” Taeyong comments once they’re back in the locker room, changing out of his stage set. “Did you have a nice Christmas?”

“I am,” Jaehyun blurts out, smile stamped across his face. “And yeah I did, I hope you did too.”

Taeyong hums, slipping into jeans and a loose sweater much like himself and Sicheng. It’s kind of funny how off stage they are so alike, and yet their sets are so different. Jaehyun thinks of himself as the median between the three of them; where Taeyong dresses all soft and delicate Sicheng is all about leather and latex. And then there is him, a mix of the two and he just loves how well they work together.

“I’ll head out first,” Jaehyun says, barely into his shoes as he throws his backpack over his shoulder.

“In a hurry tonight?” Sicheng teases him, a smile on his lips.

“I am, actually,” Jaehyun laughs it off and Sicheng dismissively waves him off. “I’ll see you guys next week.”

Joohyun isn’t in the office when he stops by to drop off the money, and he doesn’t waste a second more to look for her before dashing out. He can hear Hansol calling out for him, wishing him good night and maybe it’s rude of him that he doesn’t look back. It doesn’t matter, he can apologize for it later, some time when his dick isn’t straining against the zipper of his jeans. The bouncer barely has time to catch up with him as he gets to the station, a forced smile and a quick bow thrown his way as the guy makes his way back.

He quickly looks around and finds Johnny peeking through the rolled down window of a silver car parked right across the station. He double checks to see if the bouncer still has his back to the station before crossing the street, making sure his coworkers aren’t out yet. His entire body feels hot when he opens the door and slides into the passenger seat, the car’s heater warming him up from the dead cold winter.

“Hope I didn’t take long,” he blurts out, rubbing his hands together to warm himself up. Johnny shakes his head and gives his thigh a firm squeeze but otherwise doesn’t really say anything, instead starts driving as soon as Jaehyun puts his seatbelt on.

They drive in silence, and it takes all of Jaehyun's willpower not to scream as Johnny drives into one of the nicest parts in town. Of course he would have a nice place, what else did he expect from someone who gave him such fat tips. He tries to picture Johnny, so young yet so well-off, living in one of those skyscrapers you can never see the end of, apartment too big for one person.

Instead, Johnny enters a far shorter building, probably not even up to twenty floors, and Jaehyun sighs a breath of relief. Johnny chuckles beside him, giving his thigh another squeeze once reverse parks into his spot, and Jaehyun can’t help the blush that creeps up his cheeks.

“I promise this is not going to be like anything you are possibly picturing,” his tone is reassuring and Jaehyun feels tension slip off his shoulders. “Try not to be too disappointed.”

“I don’t think I could ever possibly be disappointed with anything from this part of town to be very honest, Johnny.”

Unlike his imagination led him up to believe, Johnny unlocks his door to a very modest, actually small-sized apartment. It’s a two story studio apartment, and all there is to see in the first floor is an open concept kitchen and living room area. There is a balcony, too, to which Johnny leads them to, and Jaehyun shyly follows him on.

Johnny stops with his back against the railing, moonlight shining right against his back, and the soft smile on his lips warms Jaehyun up more than the heater in his car ever could. Johnny reaches out for him, and just as he holds his hand and pulls him closer, snow starts falling and Jaehyun's breath hitches.

“The first snow,” Jaehyun mutters, looking Johnny straight in the eyes, pupils shaking. Johnny’s smile deepens as he pulls him in, hand cupping his cheek as he presses their lips together. He doesn’t deepen it, doesn’t lick across his lower lip and Jaehyun feels as if his heart is trying to run away from him.

“Let me take you upstairs,” Johnny says against his lips, and Jaehyun quickly nods.

Johnny leads him up the stairs, never quite letting go of his hand, instead intertwining their fingers together. It is yet another open space, one side of the wall taken by his rather large closet as the other accommodates a single door.

“The bathroom’s right here if you need it,” Johnny tells him, gesturing to the door. Jaehyun nods again as Johnny turns back around to face him. He places a kiss on his forehead, gentle and sweet before pulling away and letting go of his hand. “I’ll be right back, please make yourself home.”

Jaehyun takes his time taking his surroundings in as Johnny closes the door behind him. The place is neat and nicely put together, sober in every way possible and Jaehyun thinks it fits Johnny all too well. He drops his backpack by the foot of the bed, quickly stepping out of his clothes and settling for a place right in the center of the soft mattress. He tries not to think much, ignoring the way his heart is beating too rapidly and way too loudly.

No matter how hard he tries to talk himself into relaxing he can still feel the blush dusting his skin when Johnny walks out of the bathroom in nothing but his slacks. Jaehyun holds his breath, trying not to ogle and failing miserably so. Johnny is all about lean muscles and he should’ve known this from all the times they’ve been together, a patch of hair trailing down from his bellybutton, his cock twitching in interest at the sight.

Johnny climbs into bed, makes his way to where he is sitting and sits right in front of him, legs and arms spread out. He motions for Jaehyun to come closer and Jaehyun quickly does so, positioning himself between Johnny’s legs, locking his ankles behind his back. Johnny is looking fondly at him, eyes as soft as the touch on his cheek right before their lips meet. It’s chaste and delicate and Jaehyun is sure Johnny is trying to ruin him the slowest way possible.

And then he is brushing Jaehyun's hair out of his face, and Jaehyun all but leans into the touch. “Are you okay?” he asks, whispers almost, and Jaehyun nods at him. The smile that blooms on his lips is breathtaking. “You sure you wanna do this?”

“You want me to back down or what?” Jaehyun breathes against his lips before licking across Johnny’s bottom lip and letting himself in. Johnny sighs, pulling back again to look at him and Jaehyun pouts.

“I just wanna make sure you’re comfortable with this,” he whines, fighting against Jaehyun's constant nibbling on his lip. “I don’t want you to do something you’re not consenting to.”

“I want this, Johnny.”

The way Johnny kisses him full on the lips, hands cupping his cheeks and bringing him impossibly closer makes Jaehyun lightheaded, too many emotions he can’t read sliding off Johnny’s tongue and into him, and it’s scary how much he likes it. Scary because he can feel Johnny’s aura surround him, suffocate him and make him feel like there is nothing else he would want more than this. Jaehyun is a mess when he pushes against Johnny, chest flush against him, crotches barely touching.

Jaehyun really feels like the most loved person in the world when Johnny runs his hand down his neck and chest, going over his body so lightly he can feel goosebumps raise with every touch. It’s the way Johnny gently peels Jaehyun off his body, laying him back on bed and looming over him that absolutely floors him, his heart threatening to beat itself out of his chest when Johnny’s rather massive hands reach the hem of his boxers and start sliding them off.

He sighs when Johnny lowers himself, trails kisses from his chest down his belly and over his navel, noses along his pelvis until Jaehyun whines and starts squirming under his touch. He can feel the smirk on his lips against his skin, softly moans when Johnny playfully bites down on him and his cock twitches at the stimulation. Johnny chuckles then, looking up at him and Jaehyun really wishes he could dig his own grave.

“You’re so pretty,” Johnny murmurs, mouthing his way further down his body, hands spreading his legs open. Jaehyun holds his breath when Johnny pushes his legs up and places gentle kisses on his inner thighs, making his skin tingle with every touch. “How could I possibly not fall for you?”

Jaehyun gasps when a cold finger presses against his rim, the slight pressure sending jolts of adrenaline down his spine. He doesn’t know when it happened, how Johnny slipped in some lube without him noticing, but it doesn’t really matter when Johnny is slowly but surely pushing the tip of his finger in and doesn’t stop until he is up to the second knuckle, pressing kisses into his inner thigh to get him to relax.

It works, the pad of his finger rubbing against his inner walls barely stinging, a pleasant feeling taking over instead. He squirms until Johnny buries his finger to the third knuckle, sighing when the other drags it out and slides it back in. It’s gentle, too gentle, and it drives him absolutely insane.

“Johnny,” he breathes out, a choked up whine building its way up his chest when Johnny pays him no mind. “ _Johnny_ ,” he tries again, “ _please_.”

Johnny takes his time in opening him up, waits until Jaehyun nearly kicks him in the face to add another finger and when he does, it feels like his world is starting to crumble down and he is slowly losing his mind. The sting isn’t unpleasant, the feel of Johnny’ bony fingers pushing through him almost feeling like too much. But it isn’t, it’s not nearly enough and he wishes Johnny wasn’t being so gentle on him.

He places soft kisses along Jaehyun's inner thigh as he scissors him open, Jaehyun's moans and mewls all they can hear. Jaehyun wonders in his neighbors can hear him, wonders if Johnny will get a noise complaint for him being too loud. The thought slips away when Johnny’s long fingers spread as wide as they can inside him, the stretch making his guts tingle in a way it hasn’t in far too long.

The third finger is a stretch and he moans loudly enough for it to bounce off the bedroom walls, seep back into his system and make him blush hard. He pushes his legs up further on his own accord, moans again when Johnny’s fingers feel so much better inside him. And then Johnny drags the tip of his tongue around his rim, wet and teasing and it makes his eyes water with how good it feels.

The constant spread of his fingers inside him, as well as the building up pressure in his stomach as his fingertips brush against his prostate has Jaehyun drooling, spit running down his cheek as he moans shamelessly every time Johnny presses hard against his prostate. He can feel Johnny is having way too much fun with this, can feel his eyes on him as he slides his fingers out and slowly pushes them back in until Jaehyun whines.

Jaehyun gets choked up when Johnny picks up the speed, fingertips working in rapid succession against his prostate and making him see white. His back arches off the bed, mouth hung open in a silent moan as the all too familiar cramping in his stomach starts creeping up on him. And then he grabs Johnny by the hair, pulls him away as he trashes and tries to kick him off him, because this is not how he wants to come and not how he wants the night to end.

“It’s okay,” he pants, hair sticking to his forehead as he tries to catch his breath. “I’m ready, please.”

Johnny hums, peppering kisses all the way up his body up until his lips, fingers working on getting his pants undone. He buries his face in the crook of Jaehyun's neck, tongue licking over a patch of salty skin as he fumbles to slide the piece down his legs without breaking apart. Jaehyun chuckles airily, fingers threading through Johnny’s black hair when the other noses up his neck and along his jaw.

“So pretty,” Johnny murmurs, lips pressed against his dimple, and Jaehyun whines at him.

And then Johnny is straightening himself back up, fingers working on ripping the condom open and unceremoniously rolling it over his dick. Jaehyun watches him stroke himself up, squeeze a generous amount of lube over the condom and spread it out with lazy pumps. He whines at him, tells him to hurry and Johnny smiles, bending down again to kiss him full on the lips.

Jaehyun gasps when he feels the wet tip of Johnny’s cock press over his pucker, holds his breath and tries his best to relax as Johnny slowly starts to push in. It’s too slow, the feeling of Johnny filling him up punching him breathless. He is constant and steady and doesn’t stop until he is buried to the hilt, and Jaehyun is glad he isn’t the only one panting.

Johnny has sweat beading at his forehead, hair sticking to it in such a disarray Jaehyun can’t help but reach up and brush it off his face. Johnny looks him in the eyes then, just as he lets his fingertips brush over his undercut, the buzz cut tingly against his skin. Johnny smiles at him, fondly at first until it breaks into a smirk just as he starts pulling out.

Jaehyun moans, louder than he’s ever been, the feeling of Johnny’s dick splitting him open too pleasing, too overwhelming and too new. Johnny pushes back in just as slowly, a somewhat sadistic smile painted over his features as he watches Jaehyun's face change with pleasure.

It’s the slow drag, how Johnny bends down to kiss him senseless and the hand wrapping around his dick that gets him too worked up all too soon, the fingers wrapped tightly around him as Johnny jerks him off sending him off. He has Johnny’s name on his tongue, curse words spilling along with it every time Johnny rams back into him particularly hard, shortly missing his prostate.

When Johnny pulls out and leaves him empty, he is right about to start whining when his big hands hold him by the hips and flips him around, raising him to his knees. Jaehyun doesn’t even get the chance to hold his upper body up before Johnny’s hand is on his neck pushing him down the mattress as he pushes his dick back into him, the new angle making him press dead on his prostate as he adjusts his position.

“ _Fuck,_ ” Jaehyun moans, trying to lift his upper body up to no avail. “Fuck me like you _mean_ it.”

“Pretty,” Johnny murmurs against the shell of his ear, the words sending shivers down his spine. And he does so, pulls out and slams back in so harshly it sends Jaehyun up his bed, knees rubbing raw against the sheets with every thrust. Jaehyun moans brokenly, desperation building up his chest as Johnny layers kisses over his shoulders and down his back, love bites dotting the expanse of his skin every time Johnny slows down.

Jaehyun's mind goes blank when Johnny slows down and slides two fingers along his dick and past Jaehyun's rim, the sting borderline painful and yet pleasurable enough to have him drooling. It’s gross, saliva running down his chin and pooling on the sheets beneath him but he can’t bring himself to care, not when Johnny twists same fingers around and hooks them inside him just as he picks up his pace again.

It’s more than he can take and he struggles to catch his breath, moans bleeding down into whines every time Johnny rams back in and the fingers press up against his walls. It takes him too long to adjust, a sob threatening to build up his chest as his fingers desperately grasp onto the sheets for purchase.

And then Johnny is pulling out again and this time Jaehyun does whine at the loss, loud and clear and Johnny laughs a little as he turns him back over. When Jaehyun looks at him again he can see his eyes hazy, cheeks flushed and skin covered in a thin layer of sweat. Johnny kisses him, wet and messy and more tongue than lips, licking every corner of his mouth as he pushes back in again.

No matter how much Jaehyun whines and begs he doesn’t go fast this time, thrusts into him so slow and carefully it feels too intimate. It’s the way Johnny pushes Jaehyun's hands above his head, intertwines their fingers together and looks him deep in the eyes as he fucks him sweet and slow. It’s the way Jaehyun can feel sincerity pour into him with every thrust and every soft moan that rolls off his tongue when Jaehyun clenches his walls around his dick that has him questioning all this.

This is not what he is used to getting from one-night stands, not in a million years. Where his nights would usually go wild and leave him bruised, skin burning and covered in spit and cum stains on his clothes Johnny is all too sweet and caring, too attentive and if the way Jaehyun's heart is beating against his ribcage is anything to go by, he is pretty sure this isn’t just a one-night stand.

Jaehyun knows too much about Johnny and Johnny knows too much about him, and perhaps it’s the realization of there having a deeper, emotional connection to them that pushes Jaehyun over and makes the knot in his stomach tighten. His back arches so violently from the cramping feeling it makes him tear up and he comes with Johnny’s name on his lips and Johnny’s smile burning behind his eyelids, cum staining both their chests and pooling over his navel.

Johnny gasps when his walls tighten around him, fucks him through his orgasm and drags his thrusts out until he comes into the condom, Jaehyun's name on his lips and spilling into Jaehyun's mouth as Johnny kisses him again and Jaehyun feels like his heart is going to burst.

He bursts into tears instead, feeling completely overwhelmed by the sudden wave of feelings he didn’t ask for hitting him hard. Johnny quickly pulls out, taken aback by the sudden tears, disposing of the condom somewhere on the floor.

“Jae?” he asks, voice laced with concern and Jaehyun tries to blink the tears away to look up at him. “Are you okay? Are you hurt?”

Jaehyun shakes his head no, bites his lower lip when he can’t stop the tears from overflowing and quickly rolls on his stomach so he can bury his face in the pillow. He can’t stop, doesn’t even know why he is crying, his chest so tight it hurts. Johnny’s hand is warm on his lower back, rubbing soothing circles over the skin that only makes Jaehyun cry harder.

“Jaehyun, please talk to me” Johnny says after a while, clearly concerned still. “Is everything okay?”

Jaehyun nods into the pillow, trying to seem as convincing as he can, be he knows Johnny doesn’t buy it when the other sighs loudly. Jaehyun feels small when he turns his head to the side and looks at Johnny from his peripheral vision, snot running down his nose grossly.

“I’m worried, Johnny” he finally says, voice cracking up as tears stain the white pillowcase.

“You don’t have to be,” Johnny tells him reassuringly, and Jaehyun laughs at how much those words hurt.

“This isn’t supposed to be happening,” he tries again, voice low and careful, and he can see how hurt Johnny looks at that as he retracts his hand from his lower back. “But I’m too far deep into this, us, whatever this is and I– I don’t think I can turn back now. Despite all that I still have a month left until I graduate and I can’t lose my job right now because I decided to ignore work ethic.”

Johnny hums, and it feels like a razorblade cutting through him. “I see. Listen, it’s okay, it’s gonna be okay.” He tries telling Jaehyun, carefully placing his hand on his lower back once again. “I can still come to the club, everything is g–”

“No,” Jaehyun cuts him of. “I can’t do this, Johnny. Not after– not after all this. I can’t. And it’s too risky, I don’t think I would be able to keep it up.”

Johnny looks as troubled as Jaehyun feels. “Alright then,” he says after a moment. “I’ll stay off it if that’s what you need.” His hand goes up his back and straight to his hair, lightly petting him until his eyelids feel heavy. “Try catching some sleep, I’ll drop you off by the station in the morning.”

Jaehyun doesn’t remember falling asleep, doesn’t remember the lights being shut off, and he certainly doesn’t see how Johnny only manages to fall asleep hours after he does, watching his breathing even out and the creases between his eyebrows disappear as Johnny’s own grow deeper.

 

☆.｡.☾ .｡.☆

 

Jaehyun isn’t surprised when January rolls around and Johnny doesn’t show up in the club, but it still settles weirdly in his stomach and makes him feel like pure shit. Not that he didn’t expect Johnny to keep his word, but it’s only then that he realizes how much his company made a difference in his life.

Johnny also doesn’t reply to any of his texts or answers his calls, and Jaehyun sulks so hard over it Ten asks him over lunch what was wrong with him. When Jaehyun tells him, the look in his face is one of complete dismay, but he doesn’t tell Jaehyun off for it.

“If you think it was for the best,” is what he says instead, chopsticks digging through his food. “At least you can focus on your graduation now.”

And that is exactly what he does. With just a month left until he graduates, Jaehyun tries his best to bury his feelings deep down and focus on all the projects he has to turn in instead, the dissertation he is yet to finish and all the classes he has to attend.

Going to work becomes easier when he manages to forget he was supposed to be waiting for Johnny, and his nights roll smoothly easy when tips keep coming in and Joohyun keeps him company whenever he is off the stage. She is just as bubbly and chatty as ever, never questioned again where his regular was after the first time Jaehyun cut her off. Even Hansol picked up on it but didn’t really ask, handing him a shot of tequila instead.

 

It’s the end of January and graduation day is finally kissing Jaehyun awake, relief washing over him when he gets changed and flies to campus. There are a lot of people everywhere, chatter everywhere and Ten is right there to cheer for him, screaming so loudly when Jaehyun's name is called out Jaehyun can feel his ears burn in embarrassment. Still, it feels like it’s enough, finishing up his hell of a college life like this.

When they are dismissed Ten immediately runs up to him, giving him a bone crushing hug that knocks the air out of his lungs. He reaches up to ruffle his hair, dimples deep as he smiles down at the boy, and Ten certainly looks the most beautiful when he smiles.

“I’m proud of you, big guy” Ten tells him, burying his face into his chest.

“Thank you,” he says with a chuckle, ruffling his hair again. “Yours is coming up next week and you know I’m gonna be here for you too, right?”

“You better!” the other half yells, lightly punching him in the shoulder. Jaehyun laughs, clutching his arm in feigned hurt, but the laughter dies in his throat when his eyes flick up and meet up with someone he certainly didn’t expect seeing.

Johnny is standing right behind Ten, a couple feet distant at most, and Jaehyun's heart rate suddenly pick up against his will. He his holding a bouquet of red roses, a small smile on his lips when he sees Jaehyun finally look back at him.

Jaehyun is flustered when he excuses himself to Ten and makes his way towards Johnny, tripping on his own feet right before he reaches him. he can see Johnny trying not to laugh, and maybe the confused look in his face makes him stop entirely.

“What are you doing here?” Jaehyun asks, no bite to his words, genuine confusion washing over him.

“I wouldn’t miss your big day for a thing,” Johnny tells him with a smile, warmth spreading over Jaehyun's cheeks.

Jaehyun holds him by the wrist and walks back to Ten, Johnny almost tripping and dropping the bouquet at the sudden drag. “Ten, this is Johnny.”

Ten gives him a once over, confusion clearly written all over his face until it clicks. His face changes comically, and Jaehyun braces himself to whatever it is that’s coming next. “Oh?” is all he says for a moment, analyzing him over. Ten he looks at Jaehyun. “The guy from the club?”

“Hi,” Johnny says, and even though Jaehyun isn’t looking at him he can hear the smile in his voice.

“Jaehyun told me you were hot but I didn’t think it was,” he gestures vaguely at his general direction, “all this.”

“ _Ten!_ ” Jaehyun hisses, running his free hand over his hair nervously.

“Thank you,” Johnny says cockily and Jaehyun lets go of his wrist to punch his arm instead.

“If you excuse me lovebirds,” Ten says, looking back and forth between them. “I’ll go talk with some friends. Jae, if he tries something, don’t hesitate to call me.”

“Don’t worry,” Jaehyun tells him, giving him a smile before he walks off.

When Jaehyun turns back to Johnny, the other hands him the bouquet, pretty smile on his lips making him radiant. It’s heavy, the smell of roses overpowering, but Jaehyun absolutely loves it.

“Can we go somewhere to talk?” Johnny mumbles, looking at the floor instead of him.

“Sure,” Jaehyun answers, and he can see the glisten in his eyes when Johnny looks back up at him.

The walk to a nearby café is filled with heavy silence, a million things running through Jaehyun's head when Johnny pushes the door open and makes his way to the counter to place their orders. He feels awkward to be sitting in a table with such a big bouquet but he tries to shake the feeling off as Johnny joins him with their beverages.

They sit in silence for a while, Jaehyun wondering how Johnny manages to look so breathtaking under the sunlight that shines through the big window next to them. He knows he is staring but he can’t really help it, longing making his heart ache. It was easy to forget how he felt when he was constantly so busy but now, sitting here like this, he has no idea how he pulled it through because it hurts.

“I didn’t want to act like a complete dick,” Johnny is the first to break the silence, and Jaehyun startles. “I really didn’t want to, but when you said you couldn’t do it I understood it was for the best.”

“You didn’t have to cut me out like that,” Jaehyun mumbles, lowering his head and playing with his fingers over the table. Johnny makes to reach for his hands but decides not to. Jaehyun sighs.

“I know, but I couldn’t stand the idea of not seeing you. That night you said you were too deep into this and– and you’re not the only one, Jaehyun. Seeing your texts and getting your calls made me feel sick because I knew I couldn’t see you or feel you. It was for the best and you know it.”

Jaehyun pouts. “It still hurt a lot and I wish you would’ve given me a reason or something.”

“You’re the one who asked for it,” Johnny whines, sounding like a petulant child and Jaehyun pouts again. “For the past month, all I wanted to do was hear your voice every single day and I just couldn’t.”

There is a pause in which Johnny focuses on his coffee instead and all Jaehyun does is watch him, watches as his lips wrap around the straw, how visibly tormented he looks. And for the first time Jaehyun doesn’t think about his own pain, wonders how long Johnny has felt the way he feels. So he asks just that, and Johnny hesitates for a moment before answering.

“I’ve known it before I asked you out on a date,” he says carefully, not really looking at Jaehyun. “The first couple times I went back because I was genuinely curious about how a person could be so stupidly gorgeous, and then you just…” he gestures vaguely, “you know.”

“I do not but go ahead.”

“I like being around you. You bring me peace after a tiring day at work, and I can feel you’re so genuine at heart I can’t help but be drawn to you. I’m sure people have told you this before.” Johnny pauses again, and when Jaehyun doesn’t say anything, he keeps going. “I know this is selfish of me to ask and that I’m in no place to ask it but… would you consider quitting your job?”

Jaehyun frowns, voice raising unintendedly. “Absolutely not! Are you out of your mind? I need the money now more than ever!”

Johnny sets his cup down, frown set deep in his forehead. He doesn’t have it. “I know you do and I want you to look for something in your field. Let me help you.”

“What could you possibly do for me, hm?” he doesn’t mean to spit so much venom with his words and he instantly regrets saying it when he sees the hurt look flashing across Johnny’s face.

“I would offer you a spot in the company but I know you’d never accept it–”

“I really wouldn’t.”

“– so what I’m saying is – move in with me.”

Jaehyun scoffs. “You’re crazy.”

“Maybe I am,” Johnny stammers out. “Yeah, maybe I am a little crazy, but I really like you and I want to help you. I really do. Can’t you at least consider it? I can easily support the both of us until you find something.”

“That sounds like you’re offering to be my sugar daddy,” Jaehyun laughs, and Johnny laughs at that as well, “and I really do not like the sound of that. I have enough savings so you won’t have to do it.”

“Is that a yes?” he can see Johnny’s face light up and Jaehyun blushes.

“I’m saying that if I were to say yes,” Jaehyun raises his voice, “which I’m not, you wouldn’t have to do that.”

Johnny takes Jaehyun's hand in his, squeezing it firmly in reassurance. “Listen, I know it’s scary but everything is going to be okay. I’m here now am I not?” Jaehyun draws his lip between his teeth and nods. “It’s going to be okay. I just can’t be apart from you any longer.”

Jaehyun sighs again. “I hate to say this but neither can I.” He pauses, heart beating faster as he fights against every single logical thought going through his head. “Alright.”

 

Packing up his things makes him feel like he is going on a trip at first, his body not really letting him realize he won’t be coming back. Ten helps him out most of the time once he, too, graduates, and he hates to admit it hurts like hell seeing the space they shared for so long slowly become a little emptier.

“Don’t act like you’re moving out of the country,” Ten tells him halfway through the week, ruffling his hair from where they sit in Jaehyun's bed. “We’re still gonna see each other and you definitely can’t quit your job of taking me to therapy every week.”

“You know I could never,” Jaehyun mumbles, letting his body collapse on his bed, head falling on Ten’s lap.

“Then everything is going to be okay. Johnny is a nice guy and he likes you, and you like him too so it shouldn’t be a problem.”

“Why are you taking this so well?”

“Am I not supposed to?” Ten questions. “You’re my best friend and all I ever want is for you to be happy. Besides, Taeyong and Sicheng are moving in on Saturday so it’s not like I’m going to be alone at all, you know.”

Jaehyun gasps, hand flying to his check in fake hurt. “How could you get rid of me so easily!”

“Excuse me! You’re the one moving out!” Ten slaps him playfully and they break out in a giggling fit.

“Promise you’re good with all this?”

Ten nods, threading his fingers through Jaehyun's hair, and for the first time in too long Jaehyun is the first one to fall asleep, worry eating him up inside out.

 

When Friday comes and Jaehyun finds himself standing in front of the club doors in the middle of the afternoon, he almost turns around and leaves. His stomach feels heavy and it feels like he is going to puke at any second, anxiety making his fingers shake inside his coat’s pockets. He can feel his shoulders tense when he pushes his way through the doors and the pink lighting greets him yet again.

Hansol greets him from the bar and Jaehyun avoids making eye contact, making a beeline straight to Joohyun’s office and effectively ignoring Hansol’s calls of his name. If he stops for a second he knows he might give up, but as he knocks on the black door he knows it is too late.

“Come in,” he can hear Joohyun’s muffled voice call out, and when he does he can see the smile spread across his face. He hates it. “Oh! Why are you here so early today?”

He closes the door behind him. “There is no better way to say it and the more I think about it the more I don’t want to do it.” He takes a deep breath. “I’m quitting.”

He watches the smile fall from her face and it hurts. “Oh…”

“I finally graduated from college and… something came up that I couldn’t really pass on,” he starts, not really looking at her anymore just so he won’t have to watch her expression change any further. “I can’t thank you enough for taking me in. Thank you for taking care of me all the while I was here, you guys really feel like family, but I think it’s time for me to go.”

When he looks at her again, she’s pouting. “If that’s what you want I’ll sign your letter then.”

Jaehyun nods, feeling as if the room is closing up on him as she prints some papers and signs others. Time seems to stretch longer than it’s supposed to as he waits, shifting his weight from one foot to the other, his coat doing little to keep him warm. When he reaches for the pink envelope she is handing him his fingers shake, the paper crumbling under his grip.

“I’ll follow you outside,” she tells him, a sad smile on her lips. He nods once again and waits for her to make her way around the desk and to the door. She stops by the bar once they walk out of her office, hopping into a stool and sighing loudly. “Hansol, give our golden boy one last shot on us.”

“What do you mean last?” he frowns, looking from Joohyun to Jaehyun in utter confusion.

“I’m quitting,” Jaehyun repeats, words bitter in his tongue.

“Oh…” Hansol says just like Joohyun did, looking just as sad. He takes a shot glass from under the counter and fills it with their most expensive liquor. “Well, let’s meet again outside of work then.”

Jaehyun smiles. “I would actually love to.”

The ride back home is quiet, too quiet, and by the time he walks back into his apartment and sees all the boxes laying around in their living room he all but bursts into tears. And Ten is right there to catch him, to tell him it’s okay, if only one last time.

 

“Promise me you’re going to be okay,” Ten softly tells him as they load the last box into Johnny’s car.

“I should be the one worried about you!” he tries telling him, a shaky smile on his lips as he holds his tears back. “Stay out of trouble with Taeyong and Sicheng, yeah?”

“By trouble you mean try not fucking them every day of my life?” Ten laughs, smile reaching his eyes. “I can’t promise that, baby. You know how I am.”

“I see I will have to give Taeyong a call to keep an eye out for you.”

“I’m gonna eat his ass and if you keep nagging at me I’m gonna eat your ass too,” he pauses when Johnny raises an eyebrow at him. “With all due respect, big guy.”

Johnny tugs at the sleeve of his coat breathing out puffs of air through his scarf. “Jae, I think we should get going before it starts raining.”

“Right,” Jaehyun says, giving him a smile. When he turns back to look at Ten, the boy is sneakily trying to wipe his tears away. Jaehyun pulls him into a tight hug, Ten burying his face into his chest. “Hey, it’s going to be okay, alright? If anything happens don’t hesitate to give me a call.”

“I won’t.”

“Even if it’s the middle of the night and you get another one of those and can’t sleep just call me and I’ll come straight away. Promise?” Ten nods. “Alright then. The boys should be here soon anyway, try not to burn the house down as you wait.”

Letting go and hopping into the car feels like a chapter of his life being closed. Watching Ten stand outside in the cold through the mirror as they drive off makes his chest tighten and his stomach drop, the boy clearly trying to wipe the tears away again. He doesn’t notice his own tears spilling over until Johnny places a hand on his thigh, secure and reassuring when he gently squeezes it, and Jaehyun smiles brokenly at him.

“Are you okay?” Johnny asks him, trying to glance at him but still keeping his eye on the road.

“Yeah,” Jaehyun says shakily, trying to stop the tears from falling. “Yeah, I think I’m gonna be okay.”

 

Settling in in a foreign place feels weird but oddly comforting, Johnny helping him out with everything he needs. The place doesn’t feel like home, he knows it is going to take him a while to feel like it, but as Johnny reaches for his hand and intertwines their fingers together as they sit on the bedroom floor he knows he is going to be okay.

“Are you hungry?” Johnny asks him, thumb rubbing soothing circles on the back of his hand.

Jaehyun shakes his head. “Wanna hop into bed.”

Johnny hums, nods in agreement and is quick to get on his feet, pulling Jaehyun up by the hand with him. He falls back ungracefully on their bed, Jaehyun falling on top of him and then to the side with a giggle. Jaehyun allows himself to get cozier as Johnny pulls them further up the rather massive bed and pulls him in, so close Jaehyun can heart Johnny’s heartbeat. It’s loud and fast, and he hadn’t considered for a moment that Johnny might be just as nervous as he is.

“You have no idea how happy I am to have you here again,” Johnny whispers, and when Jaehyun looks up at him he sees he has his eyes closed. Jaehyun climbs on top of him, tip of his nose almost brushing against Johnny’s, his blonde locks brushing against Johnny’s eyelids.

“I promise I’m not going anywhere this time,” he whispers back and Johnny’s hand reaches up to his neck and pulls him down into a kiss, so sweet and gentle Jaehyun feels like he’s floating.

A kiss turns into two and three and then Johnny’s tongue is running through the seam of his lips, asking for entrance Jaehyun could never deny in a lifetime. His tongue is warm against his and he mewls into the kiss, lets his body mold into whatever shape Johnny wants him to be. It’s easy to let himself go, to let Johnny lead and to forget about everything when all about Johnny is intoxicating.

It’s the hand on his neck and then the one on his back, running down every bump of his spine and resting right above his tailbone. It’s the lips on his and then on his jaw and down his neck, showering with an immense amount of love he could never deem possible. It’s the whispering against his ear, telling him how pretty he is, how loved he is, how important he is. It’s everything Johnny is and more, so much more, that draws him in and keeps him grounded.

And he loves to feel Johnny’s love take the shape of deft fingers pulling him sweats down, palming him through his boxers until he moans and then pulling it down his legs too. He loves to feel Johnny’s warm hands on his ass, kneading his cheeks and spreading them apart as he mouths at his neck.

Jaehyun bites down on his shoulder hard enough to draw blood when Johnny pushes the tip of his finger past him rim, dry and raw and he whines. Johnny kisses his temple as he pulls out, gently setting him aside to go fetch some lube.

This time, when Johnny fucks him, they’re looking at each other all along and it makes his skin burn. Johnny is unrelenting on how gentle he is, how slow he goes and the glisten in his eyes tells Jaehyun he, too, feels too much. The slow drag of his cock against his walls makes his orgasm build up way too fast, and when he comes with a shout of Johnny’s name he starts crying again.

This time he lets Johnny know they are happy tears, tears of not being able to understand how someone can love him so much. Johnny laughs, kisses him lovingly and Jaehyun all but sobs harder. Johnny comes shortly after, panting and sweating and telling Jaehyun how much he loves him. It’s overwhelming and a little bit surreal, and when Johnny pulls out Jaehyun is quick to pull him down and snuggle up to him.

Johnny holds him close, makes him feel safe and that is all he could ever really ask for. Sleep starts luring him in, and when Johnny speaks to him he barely registers it.

“It’s going to be okay, I’ve got you.”

Jaehyun knows this will soon feel like home.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you to all my friends who held my hand and let me cry while i was reading this. special shout out to miss carly and miss ren for skyping with me through the process of writing this and listening to me yell in frustration every single time. i'm tired, my back hurts, i'm not drunk enough but it is officially over now. i hope you guys enjoyed it heheh if you did, let me know!!  
> [twitter](twitter.com/10softbot) | [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/10softbot)


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